Happiness isn't on the Menu
by Chair4vr
Summary: Four high society teens deal with the ups and downs of the Upper East Side as they struggle to find love, forgiveness, honesty, loyalty, and happiness. AU. Pairings include C/B and N/S.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Happiness isn't on the Menu**

**Character: Blair, Serena, Chuck, & Nate**

**Summary: This AU fic takes place in the mist of great animosity between Blair and Serena. After a mysterious betrayal the two have ended their friendship and now are enemies. Blair is the newly formed Queen of Constance after dethroning Serena after their fall out. Serena has been unceremoniously kicked out of her kingdom and forced to be an outsider looking in on the life she once had with the people she still loves. **

_So my inspiration for this story was a video called __**The Virgin Suicides: A Gossip Girl Trailer**__. For Blair, I focused on the more manipulative, controlling parts of her personality from season one. Serena's character is more her post pilot party girl persona, heavily inspired by how she acted during her estrangement with Blair in season two. I used early season three combined with some season one for the devilish hotel heir, Chuck Bass. Nate is his lost, confused, brooding self from season one who is trying to find meaning in a world full of deception and betrayal. I hope you enjoy._

"Mystery and Beauty,

Questions You Never Answer,

Moment You Never Forget

Haunt You

Just Like Life"

Chapter 1: Alone

Serena sat alone at The Palace bar nursing a martini while contemplating how everything in her life had gotten so screwed up. She had tried to be the perfect girlfriend, the loyal best friend and she'd held it together for so long, but as the most infamous blogger of the Upper East Side once said "no matter how hard you try, you can't keep a bad girl down". And that's what she was. She was a mess, 'Hurricane Serena' destroying everything in her path. And what did she have to show for all her hard work? Not a damn thing, which was evident because of the fact she sat here…alone.

"I'll have to tell my parents their hotel is serving minors." Serena turned to see her once good friend, Chuck Bass, take a seat next to her. "What are you doing here S?"

He asked. Serena couldn't help, but smile. It had been so long since any of them -apart from the aforementioned blogger- had called her that.

"I was bored, and your hotel makes the strongest martini's."

"You know you shouldn't be here."

"Because of my age?" Serena asked arching her dark blonde eyebrow at him.

"Because if she found out you were here she'd kill you, and probably me."

"Well, I've moved past caring what she thinks of me."

"No you haven't." Chuck smirked. "You never will, none of us will ever cease trying to appease her.

"Well I'm done. She doesn't want to hear anything I have to say, and I'm tired feeling bad."

"You guys are supposed to be best friends."

"That hasn't been true for a while."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Mine! Everything's my fault. I'm the screw up! I'm the mess…" Serena said in exasperation.

"You're the drunk that should get home before she makes a scene and gets Gossip Girl's attention." Chuck cut in.

"I have been drinking on an empty stomach." Serena exhaled. "If I recall you have the keys to the kitchen of this place."

"Come on." Chuck sighed helping Serena up. She didn't miss how his hand drifted the to an inappropriate lowness on her back.

"Here, a grilled cheese with truffle oil. Your favorite." Chuck handed her the sandwich.

"However can I thank you?" Serena said in feigned innocence. Their eyes locked with the excitement of the forbidden. Chuck broke the gaze first taking a step back from her. "Finish your sandwich and I'll get you a car."

"Do you really want me to leave?" Serena said reaching out to grab his tie. She tugged him closer.

"Your drunk and clearly not thinking straight."

"I'm thinking in perfect clarity."

"Then you should know she would actually kill you if…"

"If I finished what we've been dancing around since we were thirteen. You two broke up if memory serves."

"We always break up."

"Exactly, your relationship is just a string of one night stands. What's wrong with adding another notch on your belt while she parades around the Upper East Side like a spoiled princess? Don't pretend your not thinking about it...us right now."

Chuck looked at her, his eyes dark with lust and residual anger from the most recent break up. "Clear out you guys. The kitchen is closing early tonight." Chuck called to the staff. It took a couple minutes, but soon it was just them alone together. There lips pressed together roughly as lust consumed them. This didn't mean anything they both knew that. They didn't bother fully undressing; there were no romantic embraces or tender touches, that wasn't what this was about. This was about escaping from the loneliness, the emptiness, if only for a little while.

Serena's locker shut so fast she had to jerk her hands away before the tin door smashed them.

"Jesus Christ!" Serena exclaimed in agitation. She looked up and saw who had snuck up on her, it was Blair of course. The girl was like a ninja in stilettos. Blair stood across from her, her patented glare in place as Kati and Is flanking each of her sides. "Blair, Tweeedle D, Tweedle nose job. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"I heard you slept with Chuck last night." Blair said in uncharacteristic bluntness. Serena was taken aback for a moment before she collected herself.

"So which one of you told her?" Serena asked in accusation to Kati and Is. When they were her loyal minions they always had the gossip on her enemies with in seconds of the scandal occurring. They never hesitated to share such gossip, which had really been where all the trouble started. It was their fault really. Both of the girls just smiled up at her with wicked gleams in their eyes. "How quickly the loyalty dissipates."

"We like to back a winning horse." Kati said with a devious smirk.

"Its kind of ironic, you preaching about loyalty." Blair bit.

"I heard you guys aren't even together." Serena responded as she flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder, faking nonchalance.

"We aren't. For now." Blair said.

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I didn't think they still existed."

"Like you could hurt me. You were just another rebound fuck he used to try to get over me. You used to call his one night stands pathetic white trash. I guess you were right."

"You turned on me, so don't act like I owe you any loyalty when you prance around Constance with _my_ minions."

"You brought this on yourself. I had agreed to amicable. I let you have to the society pages, the bars, the clubs…"

"Let me?"

"The embarrassment of being known as the whore of Manhattan." Blair continued. "But Constance is my turf now, and I won't let you make a fool of me here."

"Oh honey you do that all on your own."

"If you want a war. You can have one."

"Look, I'm sorry ok, but you guys are broken up."

"We're always broken up…until we're back together. Stay away from him, or I will make you into the biggest social pariah in Constance history. You know I can do it."

"I have no doubt. I'll stay away from Chuck. It was a drunken mistake. Enjoy your crown…while you still have it. I heard Penelope's been forming a lot of new friendships lately."

"Penelope's a nobody."

"So were you, until I made you some one worth gossiping about."

"Yeah, lets talk about all the things you've done for me, or to me. All that gossip you so kindly procured for me." Blair saw the hurt that flashed across Serena's face.

"The day you learn to forgive and forget will be the day hell freezes over." Serena said bitterly.

"And the day you learn to keep your big mouth…and your knees shut, pigs will fly." Blair countered.

"Its nice to know your wit is still intact even though your soul has fled the premises."

"Good Bye Serena." Blair turned to leave, but stopped, turning her head back to Serena. "Nate gets home tomorrow." Blair could hear the sharp intake of breath from the blonde. "Stay away from him too. I think you've put him through enough. All of us really."

"If he wants to see me, you can't keep us apart."

"Trust me, he doesn't want anything to do with you." Blair walked off, her minions trailing closely behind. Serena slumped against her locker as she heard the ten-minute bell ring. She knew the fact that everything had gotten this bad was her fault. She'd caused it all, but she still wished that they could all just forget the events of last September. She had been trying to for the last three months.

"Can you believe him?" Blair hissed to Kati as she starred down at Chuck from her seat on the steps. He was leaning against a wall in the ally getting high with a bunch of boys from St. Judes. "Is he trying to humiliate me?"

"I hope Serena gave him herpes." Kati said as she glared down at her queen's ex.

"Serena totally has herpes!" Isobel giggled, Kati soon joining in. Blair rolled her eyes at the girls acting like silly little children.

"Ugh I can't believe him!" Blair yelled before beginning to march down the steps. Kati and Is stood up to follow her "Stay here." Blair ordered with out a second glance to the pair.

"Leave." Was all she uttered to his surrounders, her glare took care of the rest. When the last of the burnouts had scattered she turned to him. "Is it your goal to humiliate me? Are you trying to punish me? Do you hate me?"

"Don't be dramatic Blair." Chuck said as he stubbed out his joint.

"Dramatic?" Blair asked in disbelief. "How dare you? You've done a lot of terrible things, but this is by far the worst!"

"Oh now, we both know that's not true."

"How could you sleep with her? She is my sworn enemy."

"Calm down. You don't want the public to see their flawless Queen losing her cool."

"I don't care what they think." Blair said, her eyes tearing up. "After everything we've been through. After all the things she's done, how could you betray me with her of all people!"

"I'm sorry." Chuck said in honest sincerity, he reached out to touch her, but she slapped his hand away.

"I don't care that you're sorry."

"Look, you made it perfectly clear when you dumped _me_ that what I do no longer concerns you."

"You know that's not true. Everything you do concerns me!"

"Because I'm a liability. A new money embarrassment." Chuck scoffed beginning to walk away.

"You know that's not the reason."

"Then please enlighten me." Chuck said turning back to look at her. Blair tried to say the words, but in the cloud of her embarrassment and anger she couldn't voice them. Seeing that she wasn't going to admit that she still wanted him, Chuck's face turned cold and stoic. "Forget it Blair." Chuck pulled out his phone to call Arthur to pick him up. He didn't feel like dealing with the trivialities of school today.

"Because I still love you." Blair whispered to herself as he walked away. Blair stood there in the courtyard starring at his retreating figure, alone.

Reviews please!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Grudge

He looked out the window as all the places they used to go to together passed him by, as all his memories of them, of her, flooded back; her smile, her messy golden waves and her eyes. Those bright blue eyes that sparkled whenever she looked at him. He'd loved those eyes; it had been the first thing about her that drew him in. He had spent hours staring into them in complete bliss. Now those ocean blue eyes were the reason he refused to sail. Another thing she had taken from him. Sailing had been his passion, but she had tainted it with those damn eyes.

It was too soon. He knew so before he bought the train ticket, he knew it as he hailed the cab outside of Grand Central Station. He was positive about it as he stood like a deer in headlights in front of her, being drowned in the currents of her eyes.

"Nate…" It was a whisper that escaped her mouth; it floated around him. Her voice was more beautiful than he remembered. "I…I didn't expect to see you so soon. But I'm glad I did…I mean I'm glad I am…seeing you. I'm sorry; I had a whole speech I was gonna recite. I'm a little off my game." She rambled on as she looked at her first love, he didn't look the way he did in her memories. In the early ones he was always wearing his laidback grin, in her most recent he wore this heartbroken frown accompanied by red, shiny eyes. Now he looked blank. It tore at her.

"For what?" His voice broke out from his stoic face.

"What…um what do you mean for what?" Serena asked in confusion.

"Why are you sorry, for stumbling over your speech?" Nate asked sarcastically.

"No…I mean yeah, but also for everything umm that happened last year. I left you about a bazillion voicemails apologizing. I can't even count how many texts and emails I sent. I even mailed you a couple letters, I don't know if you got them." Serena laughed a little bit as she tried desperately to diffuse the tension.

"I did." Nate answered in a clipped voice.

"I get why you didn't want to talk to me. I fucked up, I know I did, but I'm sorry. More sorry then you can imagine; if you just give me a chance to explain everything…" Serena took in a big breath. "I wanna make it right between us. Can we please just talk?" Serena motioned to the café next to them. "This place has great scones, could we please just go in get some coffee and talk. My treat." She smiled in a way that used to melt his heart; the problem was she had already smashed it.

"I can't."

"Why not?" The sparkle dimmed from her eyes as she was met with rejection.

"Because he's having coffee with me." Blair's sugary sweet voice drifted in from behind Serena.

Serena turned around slowly and was greeted by her pint-size rival. "Blair, how awful to see you again. If you could please excuse me and Nate, we're trying to have a conversation."

"It seems he just ended your little conversation, and as I said Nate and I have plans, so why don't you just crawl back to whatever strangers bed you came from this fine mourning and leave the rest of us alone." Blair's condescending smile beamed up at Serena. "Nate doesn't want to grab coffee with you. He doesn't want to talk to you, so leave him alone."

"Why don't you let him speak for himself!" Serena almost screamed.

"Actually, Blair's right. I have nothing to say to you Serena." Nate piped in; this run-in was heading for a public smack down between his two exes.

"Nate?" Serena pleaded, searching his face for any sign he didn't mean it. She found none.

"Now if you'll excuse us." Blair bit, motioning to the door of the café. On his cue Nate opened it for her and followed Blair inside. He turned back to look at Serena through the glass door. She looked devastated; her last sliver of hope for getting her old life back had been ripped away from her. He felt bad for Serena; even though he hated her for what she had done he still loved her. He'd always love her, or at least the girl he'd thought she was.

* * *

"Some people just don't know how to take a hint." Blair stated as she flipped through the menu.

"I feel kinda bad for her." Nate said as he reflected on how miserable she had looked.

"Don't!" Blair snapped. "She is not a victim. Everything that has happened to her, she brought it on herself."

"No, Blair I think you brought it on her to be more precise."

"Because of everything she did to me! And you." She added in regaining her composure. "Look, I know your knight in shining armor mentality makes you want to go rescue her from her social ruins, but don't forget the hell she put you through last year. I mean for Christ sakes she—" Blair was cut off when the waitress approached.

"I'll have a nonfat cappuccino and a blueberry scone." Blair cut in before the girl could even ask for their orders.

"Black coffee for me, two sugars. Thanks." Nate added in before the waitress scurried off in fear from the clearly pissed off brunette.

"And if you think she's changed, don't be fooled. She slept with Chuck. MY Chuck! Just to mess with me…and you." She continued.

"I know. They have Gossip Girl in Connecticut."

"You know?"

"Yes"

"Then how can you act all civil with her. Aren't you mad?"

"Of course I'm mad. But we've been broken up for months."

"But Chuck slept with her. Your best friend! Are you at least mad at him?"

"I was at first. Well at first I was furious, enraged. I punched a wall."

"So, why are you so calm about it now?"

"I realized I'd already lost two of my best friends, and I really didn't want to go through losing another. Besides its Chuck, it didn't mean anything. You know how he gets when you two breakup. He goes crazy, becomes completely reckless. He can't control himself."

"So I'm just supposed to forgive him? Say that's ok, the first best friend's free?"

"Ex-best friend." Nate corrected.

"You know what I mean." Blair snipped.

"Here you go." The waitress said hesitantly as she set the food down.

"Yes thank you, you can go now!" Blair reprimanded.

"Blair." Nate scolded.

"What? I hate when servers linger." Blair chose to ignore Nate's disapproving look.

"I get that you're dead-set on holding your grudges and stuff and ruining their lives, but I know you still love Chuck and I think you still love Serena."

"I do not love Serena. I despise her!"

"You didn't correct me on Chuck." Nate said with a smirk.

"What he did was unforgivable."

"Only if you want it to be. Come on Blair, you've pulled your fair share bullshit with Chuck, he's always forgiven you."

"Its different."

"How?"

"Because its Serena! Anyone else and I would be over it by now, but it's her. The girl I spent my entire childhood being compared to, and now I can't stop thinking he's comparing us. She has a lot more experience then me, as she's demonstrated. I can't have him thinking she's better than me too. Not Chuck, he was always the only one who loved me more than Serena. Chuck always thought I was better, prettier. He thought I was perfect. The idea of that changing…I have coped with a lot of things, but I can't deal with that."

"Blair, he still loves you. You're the only thing he loves. A one nightstand with Serena isn't gonna change that. Talk to him."

"I can't. Not yet. When did you get all philosophical? The old Nate would start a fight with Chuck in the street like the old days."

"New Nate doesn't want to end another friendship with a guy I've known all my life because he slept with Serena."

"I wish I could forgive the way you do."

"Your life would be a lot easier if you let it all go. Forgive him, and even though me and her aren't on good terms, forgive Serena."

"I'll consider it. On a lighter note, are you coming to the Kiss on the Lips Party this Saturday? I'll cry if you say no." Blair said with a smirk.

"I just got into town, Blair. I'm not sure I'm ready to dive head first into society."

"It's the first year I'm hosting it. I booked the hottest club on the Upper East Side! You can't not come."

"Blair…"

"No, because of recent events I lost my date. Your taking me and you are going to smile and drink and have fun, whether you like it or not." Blair stated threateningly.

"Fine. I surrender. I'll wear a tux, I'll socialize as long as you promise to consider what I said earlier."

"Promise." Blair said; Nate unfortunately missed the wicked gleam in her eyes.

"I'll go pay for this." Nate grabbed the check the waitress had left on the table and headed up to the cash register.

Blair grabbed her blackberry out of her purse, hastily scrolling through her contacts until she found the right one. Blair watched nervously to make sure Nate didn't return as the phone ringed endlessly.

"Hello?" Came the voice on the other end.

"Kati, get all the girls together on the Met Steps in ten. We need to come up with a plan, I want Serena Van der Woodsen dead and buried by the end of next week." Blair hung up quickly as Nate approached.

"I think I will talk to Chuck. After the party is over when I'm less stressed. I'll make things right and all." Blair said with her society smile in place.

"I'm glad. You ready to go? I'll walk you to school." He asked.

"Always the gentleman, but I'll have to take a rain check. I actually have a meeting to get to. Ivy week is coming up after all."

* * *

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	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Regret

"Hello?" Nate called out as he walked into Chuck's penthouse. He had gone to St. Judes early after his breakfast with Blair only to see that Chuck wasn't there yet. Not wanting to deal with the surprised, curious and somewhat pitiful looks from his classmates alone, Nate hailed a cab to The Palace in hopes of catching up with his best friend.

Nate walked down the hallway until he reached Chuck's room, he pushed the door open cautiously, not sure exactly what he'd find. Chuck was on a bender, and his past exploits in such a mindset were…Nate wasn't exatly sure what word could describe the things he'd seen.

Chuck was lying on his bed in his silk pajamas while a beautiful woman in bizarre fullbody makeup held a cold glass of scotch up to what appeared to be a newly formed blackeye.

"Nathaniel! You're back, wonderful!" Chuck greeted as Nate entered the room.

"Chuck, ugh whose your friend?" Nate asked as he eyed the woman.

"This is Tiffany, or maybe its Tanya. I'm not quite sure." The woman made no move to clarify her name, which wasn't suprising considering how strung out she looked. "Darling, I think its time you go." Chuck said as he took the glass from her hand and got up. The girl only nodded, before grabbing her dress and shoes and heading out.

"She seemed nice, a little quiet."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you heard her last night." Chuck smirked as he downed his scotch.

"Dude, what's with the eye?" Nate asked as he looked at his friend.

"I had a disagreement with a fellow patron at a club downtown. But it wasn't all bad, I got to take Tessa home. She was one of those living statues there. May I ask what brought you here this morning?"

"I came by when I didn't see you at school."

"School?"

"Yeah, its Friday dude."

"How time flies when your having fun."

"Is that what your're calling this? Dude I'm working my ass off to get Blair to take you back and you're not making it easy."

"Don't waste your time. She hates me. She'll never speak to me again, let alone take me back."

"Well can you blame her, you slept with Serena."

"Yeah, umm about that. I'm really sorry Nathaniel. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You weren't, well atleast not with your brain."

"Do you hate me too?"

"Lucky for you I'm in short supply of friends." Chuck sighed in relief. "But seriously man, I'm getting really tired of you sleeping with my ex-girlfriends."

"Haha, fine your next ex, totally off limits."

"But seriously man, why'd you do it. Is there some underlying tension between you two I missed?"

"Please, I don't give a shit about Serena. She was just another distraction. They're not as distracting as they used to be. No matter how many girls, all I can do is think of Blair. Imagine Blair. And I fucked it up like I always do. She'll never ever forgive me, I don't deserve her forgiveness."

"You don't deserve her."

"I know, believe me there isn't a day that goes by I don't think about that."

"So you try proving your worth after she's kicked you to the curb by fucking every socialite insite?"

"Like I said, I'm a fuck-up. Its what I do, and Blair's perfect to a frightening degree. I don't know if I should even try to win her back. I'm not sure its fair to her."

"Its not. She's too pretty and she's too smart for you, yet for some reason, which none of us will ever understand, she picked you. Two years ago she dumped me because she chose to be with you. And she has continued to choose you ever since, so stop getting in your own way and just be happy. Pray to God that she finds it in her heart to muster up her last shred of forgiveness, and if she does, don't fuck it up, or I will fuck you up. Freshman year style, brawling in the street infront of St. Judes. I'll give you a matching blackeye."

"…If…she forgives me, then maybe I'll believe there's a God. Or maybe a devil, I'm not sure which would help me."

"Shut up and throw your ass in the shower you smell like a strip club."

"You would now wouldn't you? Fine, give me twenty." Chuck headed into his bathroom. Nate walked around Chuck's room. Nate spooted a stack of old leather bound books on Chucks desk.

"Since when did Chuck start reading?" Nate asked himself, he grabbed the book on top opening it to the bookmark. A small bag of fine white powder fell out and landed on the desk soundlessly. Nate picked up the bag to examine it, he'd seen it before, he knew what it was, he just couldn't believe it. Chuck had been clean for months, Blair had made sure of it.

At that moment he heard the water in the bathroom stop. Without thinking Nate shoved the bag back into his pocket and walked back over to the window. He wasn't sure why, he had nothing to hide. It was Chuck who had the secret. He just couldn't bring himself to confront Chuck. Not be before school. He'd call him out on it later.

Blair looked down at her subjects, the wheels of her mind turning as she concocted the perfect way to humiliate Serena.

"We could text Gossip Girl that someone knocked her up!" Hazel suggested.

"Gossip Girl won't post anything that she can't confirm." Blair barked, she'd heard nothing but terrible ideas all morning.

"We could throw a Nairtini at her, take away some of that long blonde hair she's always flipping around like she's above us." Kati throughout.

"Nairtinis, really? What, are we in the eighth grade? You're thining to small, you're all thinking to small."

"We could invite her to Kiss on the Lips, douse her drink with my moms painkillers, when she passes out we ditch in some seedy motel and call the cops. They'll send her to the Ofstroff Center!" Isobel squealed.

"I don't want to kill her, Isobel. But I like the direction you're heading in. Listen, I already have a plan so these pathetic schemes you girls are coming up with are pointless. As you all know Serena slept with Chuck Wednesday night at The Palace Hotel. The intel I gathered from Chuck's bragging buddies says it was in the hotel kitchen of all places. What Serena didn't realize is The Palace recently installed cameras in all the staff populated areas. I was with Chuck when Bart told him." Blair smirked reminding the girls of how she was the only one to tame the Bass, eventhough he was currently running astray.

"But the hotel won't just give us the tape." Interjected Hazel.

"No they won't, but I already have a plan as how to get it. Kati and Is, you two will be helping me with that part."

"So once we get the tape, do we send it to Gossip Girl?" Isobel inquired, growing giddy with excitement over the takedown.

"Perhaps afterwards. But first we are going to have a premiere screening of the tape…at the Ivy Week Social at Constance next Friday."

"Serena, will be ruined. There's gonna be a rep from every Ivy League school there. She'll be blackballed at every major university." Kati said in residual shock of the Queen's master plan.

"I know." Blair smirked with satisfaction. "Then she'll remember why you don't screw over a Waldorf, or screw her boyfriend."

"So I've decided what we are going to do to celebrate your first night back." Chuck announced to Nate as the blazed up in Chuck's limo. "This new bar just opened up on the Upper West Side, and we are going."

"Are you sure a night of drinking is a good idea?" The little bag of coke had been waying on Nate all day. He couldn't concentrate in class, not that he would of understood it, but it had been eating at him none the less.

"Of course it is, don't be stupid. We will drink and be merry. Maybe find you a nice rebound."

"I'm good on rebounds."

"Really? Nathaniel have you been holding out on Uncle Chuck. What's her name, or was there more than one?"

"You know I'm not like that. Just one, her name was Juliet. Her brother taught at Cornwall."

"A townie? Interesting."

"She was sweet, but it was just a fling we both knew that." The limo pulled up along the curb of the bar.

"Maybe we can find you a onenighter." Chuck said as he got out of the car.

"Wait…" Nate said as he stood infront of the bar.

"What? Did you forget your fake I.D.?"

"No, we need to talk."

"About what?" Chuck laughed as he walked over to Nate.

"About this." Nate pulled out the bag of coke showing it to Chuck.

"Dude, put that away." Chuck whispered harshly as he grabbed the bag from Nate's hand and shoved it into his own pocket.

"I thought you quit. You swore you were done with this."

"I know what I said." Chuck said through gritted teeth as he pulled Nate further away from the crowd waiting to get in to the trendy new bar. "I'm not hooked or anything, its purely recreational."

"Chuck, it's a coke."

"I'm aware, I just use it for a little boost when the normal vices aren't doing their job of taking me out of it."

"This is about Blair?"

"Its about everything. Its about my father thinking I'm worthless, its about the fact that the Basses had to donate a new library to keep me from getting kicked out of school, and yes its also because the love of my life can't stand the sight of me."

"Drugs aren't a solution."

"You don't know what you're talking about. Mr. Perfect family, captain of the lacrosse team, every girl at Constance's wet dream."

"I've gone through my fair share of shit these past months. Its this world we live in. Its suffocating. When I was with Juliet I saw how normal people live. Its not terrible, its actually kinda nice."

"That's bullshit! People in that world are just as miserable as us, exxcept they can't pay for perks to make life more bearable."

"Perks? Like that baggie of coke in your pocket? The money, the drugs, the privelages, they're just keeping us numb so we don't notice its better out there in the realworld."

"The realworld? Everyone out there wants to be us. We are what to aspire to, not run away from. Why are you so broody now?

"Its just…do you ever feel like our whole lives are planned out for us? Like we're just gonna end up like our parents?"

"Now that's a dark thought."

"Aren't we entitled to choose, to just be happy?"

"Look, take it easy Socratese. What we're entitled to is a trust fund, maybe a house in the Hamptons, but happiness does not seem to be on the menu, so relax, have a drink and stop worrying about everything and everyone."

"I'm worried about you man."

"Don't be. I'm fine, look" Chuck took the bag out of his pocket and threw it in the trash. "We can go back to my suite, fire up the wii and forget this whole deep, heartfelt conversation happened.

"You can't keep running from everything."

"I'm not. Just the unpleasant stuff." Chuck said with a smile before he got back in the limo, Nate following.

Chuck laid sprawled out on the couch as he thought about everything. Nate had stumbled home about an hour ago after smoking two blunts on his own, the hypocracy was not lost on Chuck. Chuck couldn't pinpoint when things had gotten so fucked up. Things with Blair had been going great, then Chuck fucked it up. Showed up to this stupid Charity Galla high after he lost track of time with his friends. Blair had flipped, told him she was tired of his stunts. She dumped him right there infront of the Plaza Hotel. So Chuck had stormed off, ended up at some club, he didn't even remember the name. There had been lines of coke everywhere, he was mad, upset, he couldn't help himelf. It had only been a couple times since. That stupid dime bag had been GIVEN to him by some club promoter. He hadn't even snorted any of it. But if he wanted to get Blair back he'd have to clean himself up. Quit with the girls, the nonstop booze and the drugs. Chuck had reached his resolve when he heard four soft knocks on the door of his suite. He knew instantly who they belonged to.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Hurt

"Maybe we shouldn't do this. What if we get caught?" Kati asked as Blair slipped her penthouse key into the slot in the elevator.

"Well, if you just follow the plan we won't. Look its very simple. I go into Chuck's suite, distract him, grab the security room keycard from his wallet, and hand it to you. You take it and my penthouse key, pick up Is in the lobby, ride up to the third floor where the security room is…"

"Why can't you do it?" Kati whined.

"Because every staff member in this hotel knows who I am, they'll spot me immediately and call Chuck. Listen, after Mr. Bass checked all the employee's Internet searches at work Chuck stole the file. I happen to know that the night security guard has a very specific type, and that's young and Asian. All you have to do is flirt with him while Is swipes the security card to get into the room where they keep all the tapes and grab the one post-marked from Wednesday night in the hotel kitchen. After you're done comeback up and drop off the cards. This isn't that difficult." The doors of the elevator slid open to the hallway. "Hide here, Chuck can't see you or he'll know something's up." Blair flicked the penthouse key card at Kati as the young girl hid off to the side of the door behind a potted tree. Blair raised her dainty fist to the door and delivered her customary four knocks, before waiting patiently.

"What if he's not home?" Kati asked.

"Shut up!" Blair whispered harshly, she quickly snapped her head forward as the door opened.

"Blair, what are you doing here?" Chuck asked groggily.

"I came to see you. Did I wake you?" Blair asked as she leaned against the doorframe.

"No, I was just hanging out"

"You're alone right?" Blair's nerves crept in as she realized he might have brought some whore home from whatever club he was at earlier.

"What? No, me and Nate stayed in tonight, but he took off a little while ago."

"So we're all alone?" Blair asked with a coy smile. Chuck smirked; he liked what direction this was heading in. He couldn't believe she'd already forgiven him.

"Why are you here Blair?" He asked praying it had something to do with reconciling.

"I wanted to see you." Blair said in a low voice as she lazily ran one finger down his chest. "I thought we could…_talk_." She said in a way that made it clear talking was the last thing she had in mind.

"I prefer to talk after." Chuck smirked, pulling her flush against him.

"Easy boy," Blair put a hand against his chest slightly pushing him back. "You're still in the doghouse. You have a long night of begging ahead of you if you want your treat."

"I'll do anything." Chuck breathed as he inhaled the intoxicating scent of her perfume.

"Why don't you start by making me a drink? Martini…dirty."

"As you wish." Chuck turned around and went into the other room where the bar was. The second he was out of sight Blair rushed over to where his blazer was hung up on the coatrack. She grabbed his wallet out of the inside pocket. Once she spotted the black keycard she extracted it and put the wallet back. Blair quietly opened the door.

"Kati…" She whispered. The girl emerged from behind the tree. "You have fifteen minutes. Go." Blair handed her the card and shut the door just as Chuck came in with their drinks.

"You're not bolting already, are you?" Chuck asked as he handed her drink.

"I considered it." Blair said with a soft giggle, "but we haven't even gotten a chance to…"

"Talk?" Chuck cut in with a grin.

"Exactly." Blair took his hand and led him over to the couch. She sat down, him following in suit, and took a big sip of her martini. She looked at him. His hair was in a perfect mess of renegade brown locks, shoved back from his face. His signature sent of pot and scotch wafted toward her and she hated how it made her insides turn to jelly. She had missed being this close to him, being able to feel the heat radiating from his body. She was on sensory overload; it was all just too much. She felt like a starving wolverine having a juicy steak waved in front of her salivating mouth. "On second thought I'd rather do this." Blair tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling his lips to hers. She kissed him hungrily. It had been over two weeks since she had felt him, tasted him. He was addictive, one hit and she was desperate for another. Her tongue invaded his mouth before he pulled away.

"Actually, I was kind of hoping we _could_ talk." Chuck said breathlessly.

"You're kidding me, right?" Blair said in shock. Not once in the two years they had dated had he ever been the one to put on the breaks.

"What I did-"

"Lets not talk about it, ok?" Blair suggested quickly as she went back to kiss him.

"We have to." Chuck stated in his authoritative Bart Bass voice that made it clear he would not be swayed.

"Let's just pretend it didn't happen." Blair pleaded.

"A wise man told me today that I can't run away from the unpleasant stuff in life."

"I'm going to kill Nate and his new philosophical ways."

"How did you know it was Nate?"

"Who else do you talk to?" Blair said trying to angle herself so she had better access to his neck.

"I need to tell you this ok."

"Fine." Blair said in exasperation as she slumped back on the couch. This was not the distraction she had meant to give him; this was most definitely not part of her plan.

"When I slept with Serena-"

"Can we please not rehash the details?" Blair snipped.

"Blair, please." Blair crossed her arms in surrender, "I was angry, and hurt and pretty out of it, but its no excuse. The way I hurt you…how I did it to hurt you, to make you feel as badly as I did, I'm so ashamed. I regretted it the moment it happened, I wanted to take it back, but I can't. I have to live with how I hurt you forever. I never wanted to cause you pain, not after everything you've been through this year."

"Chuck…" Blair was surprised. Chuck didn't feel remorse or shame.

"You've lost so much, I never wanted to be on the list of people that broke you."

"No one breaks a Waldorf."

"I'm sorry for betraying you, for violating your trust, for not being worthy of someone like you." At that moment all of Blair's insides twisted, here Chuck was laying his heart out on his sleeve, something he never did…and she was playing him. She was using him to get the tape and he was trying to apologize and fix what he'd broken.

"You don't deserve me…" Blair almost whispered.

"I know, but I promise I'm going to try. I'll do everything I can to be the guy you chose two years ago."

"I want to be that girl that chose you two years ago, the girl that wasn't concerned with grudges, or revenge, or controlling everyone around her. I want to be that girl again."

"You can. We can. We can do anything together. We're Chuck and Blair." Blair took a long moment to process everything. This was surreal. It wasn't supposed to be like this now. She was supposed to be detached and collected, but all she could think about was how they had promised forever to each other. She wasn't ready to just let that go, she couldn't.

"I love you, I'm still so mad at you, but I love you so much it consumes me."

"I can't think of anything, but you. You're the only thing that matters. If you can forgive me, I know I can be better."

"I want to, it's the only thing I want. I just need a little more time."

"I get it." Chuck said staring down at his hands. "I'll wait until you do."

"You will won't you?" Blair said as she looked at his sincerity. She was on him then, the air seemed leave the room. Her lungs felt like they'd give out if she didn't stop and take a breath, but she couldn't. Chuck's hands ravaged her body as if he was trying to memorize it with his touch, like at any moment she'd just vanish and all he'd have left was a memory. She just wanted this moment where they were exposed and honest, raw with emotion, to last forever. But you can't stay in one moment forever, Blair's phone chirped at that moment letting her know about Kati and Is's completion of the mission. Blair pulled away reluctantly.

"I could use another drink." Blair panted. Chuck got up slowly and grabbed their glasses to refill them. Blair quickly went to the door, Kati and Is stood there with tape and keycards in hand. "Give me the security one." Blair hissed. She snatched it from Is's hand and put it in his wallet quickly. "Now go."

"Wait Blair, aren't you coming with us? That was the plan."

"I know I just… give me a minute." Blair quickly shut the door and went back to the couch. Chuck came in and set the drinks down.

"Now where were we?" He said as he went to kiss her. His lips were soft this time, sweet and gentle, yet still needy.

"I have to go." She whispered against his neck.

"Why?" He asked in confusion.

"I just have to."

"Its ok I get it. You need time, I remember." Blair got up slowly.

"Are you coming tomorrow?" She asked.

"I thought I wasn't invited anymore."

"Like that ever stopped you before." Blair smirked.

"I'll be there."

"Good," was all Blair offered before she left.

Blair sat alone at her dining room table the next morning, picking apart a croissant Dorota had brought.

"Miss Blair, your fitting in thirty minutes." Dorota said as she came back into the room. "You not eat anything." The polish maid said disapprovingly.

"Its not good to eat before a fitting, Dorota. Just bring me some coffee please." Blair said as she pushed the plate away from her. The elevator chimed at that moment. "And could you please answer that." The maid scurried off quickly only to return with Serena at her side. "What the hell do you think you're doing here Van der Woodsen? Dorota you're supposed to take the trash out, not invite it in during breakfast."

"Blair I'm just here to talk." Serena said.

"You can talk, you're very good at talking if I remember."

"I didn't come here to fight."

"Then you shouldn't have come." Blair bit fiercely.

"Nate's back in town, call off your minions and stop filling his head with all your little bitchy comments about how I'm the worst person in the world." Blair just smirked at the naïve blonde.

"I bet you'd love that to be true, for it to be my fault that Nate gave you the cold shoulder. However, its all you that did that. He hates you; you screwed him over, literally. The fact that Nate doesn't want to be near you is his own choice based on YOUR actions. So find another villain, because I'm afraid our little game is coming to an end."

"What does that mean?"

"You'll find out soon enough, now you have to go. I'm running late for a fitting. The Kiss on the Lips Party is tonight."

"I guess my invitation got lost in the mail."

"Yeah, you're kind of not invited, for obvious reasons."

"I started the annual Kiss on the Lips Party tradition Blair."

"I know. Its funny how things workout." Blair answered with a devilish smile.

"You know I wasn't planning on going tonight, but maybe I will stop by."

"You better not Serena. I mean it."

"You can't tell me what to do, Blair Bear." Serena said taunting Blair with her old nickname. Serena turned and sped out of Blair's apartment.

"Dorota! Get the car, I have a fitting to get to!" Blair yelled in frustration. Serena Van der Woodsen was a fly that no matter how many times Blair batted away just came buzzing back. Well now Blair had a flyswatter in her purse, and soon Serena would just be a black smear on the wall.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Honesty

"That's odd…" The woman said as she adjusted Blair's dress.

"What? Does it look weird?" Blair asked nervously as she fidgeted with the bodice.

"No, it looks stunning…its just, I could have sworn we got the right measurements, we checked them again last week and now the dress is too loose."

"Oh…you must have measured wrong." Blair said quickly as she ran her hands over the bodice again.

"Its fine. We can fix it before tonight. What time would you like us to send it over?"

"The party starts at nine so I'd like to have it no later than six." Blair answered as she pushed a curl back into place. "Kate, Is? What do you think?" Blair turned back and fourth slightly, in the dress so she could see it at every angle, as she scrutinized her appearance.

"Its amazing Blair, you have great taste!" Kati gushed hoping to score brownie points.

"Its even better then the Eleanor original your mom wanted you to wear."

"I know, Eleanor said the drop waist would be unflattering on my frame, but I think she might have been wrong." Blair said doing final inspection.

"You could be on the cover of Vogue, B!" Is flattered.

"You're not too far off." Blair turned to the woman, "Can you please pin it, I have some final errands to run before tonight."

* * *

Nate stood in front of the mirror staring at his refection. The boy that looked back at him was wrong. That was the reflection of the happy, simple boy he'd been before, the boy who had the perfect life, the perfect family and the perfect girlfriend. Now he was single, his parents weren't even speaking to each other and he just felt lost and confused every moment of every day. This world wasn't what it used to be. He kept blazing and drinking trying to get it all back, but nothing was working. The Upper East Side wasn't his home anymore. It was purgatory, he was just waiting for something better to come along and make everything make sense again.

* * *

"Where's your _date_?" Chuck asked sarcastically, as he leaned out of the limo. They had been waiting in front of Blair's building for over five minutes.

"Don't get pissy with me. I didn't even want to come to this fucking party." Nate sighed.

"Well she needs to get down soon, Kati and Is have already gone through bottle of champagne." Nate just rolled his eyes. He could here the two girls incessant giggles from outside the car. Finally Blair made her grand entrance, sweeping out of the hotel, fabric fluttering around her.

"Finally…" Nate said under his breath.

"How do I look Nate?" Blair said, quickly glancing over to Chuck as she modeled her dress for Nate. Chuck huffed in frustration and slid to the opposite side of the limo.

"Beautiful as always." Nate answered playing along to whatever game that was going on between the two hotheaded exs.

Blair had ended up seated between Nate and Chuck as she had planned. Soon Champagne began flowing and joints passed around. Blair was finally happy, her party was going to be a huge success, her and Chuck were back to their games of cat and mouse which meant reconciliation was just around the corner.

As everyone celebrated the fact that they were young, rich and could do whatever they wanted, Nate sulked in the corner. Here Chuck and Blair were partying and laughing like everything was perfect when they had the most dysfunctional lives out of everyone. He didn't understand how anyone could be happy, or at least pretend to be when everything around him or her had fallen apart. Was he just supposed to stick his head in the sand, put on a big smile and pretend everything was great? At least then he might blend in more on the Upper East Side.

* * *

Blair clung to Nate's arm at the party, giggling at everything he said. At first it was amusing how angry Chuck got, but after a while Nate worried Blair might be going a little too far. He had been sitting alone at the bar for over five minutes brooding to himself.

"Oh, Nate, that is hysterical!" Blair laughed even though Nate had just asked her if she wanted another drink.

"Blair, he's not listening." Nate said with all humor drained from his voice.

"Oh… where'd he go?" Blair said scanning the club.

"The bar, look I don't think it's a good idea to mess with Chuck right now. He's going through a lot."

"Chuck's always going through something." Blair said as she found him. "You know what Nate? I think I will get another drink."

"Blair I think I should tell you that Chuck relaps-"

"Don't worry, I'll get it myself." Blair said not listening to Nate in the slightest, as she walked over to Chuck.

Chuck was staring down into an empty scotch glass when she greeted him.

"Why so down, Bass? Aren't you having fun? I know I am, Nate is the perfect date. I forgot over the years."

"Enough Blair, I'm not in the mood." Chuck said.

"What? Can't stand a little of your own game?" Blair said flipping her hair.

"Last night…I thought we had reached some sort of understanding."

"And what would that be?"

"That we would end the games, try to actually be real people. Honesty and all."

"Where's the fun in that?" Blair said laying her hand on his forearm.

"Its not about fun. I'm not sure when I became the serious one in this relationship, but I don't think relationships are supposed to be all games."

"Why not? It's always worked for us in the past?"

"Has it? We've broken up eight times this year."

"Nine." Blair sighed.

"Exactly, I think we should give one of those serious, relationships a try this time."

"And if I don't want to?" Blair asked folding her arms across her chest.

"Then I don't know if we can ever work all this stuff out. Why are you so opposed to this?"

"Because I am."

"Why?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you." Blair stormed off in a huff, grabbing a flute of champagne off a passing tray. Blair downed her glass in one gulp. She heard whispering all around her, she prayed it wasn't about her little argument with Chuck.

"Blair!" Kati yelled as she ran up to the agitated hostess.

"What is it now?" Blair sighed wearily.

"Serena's here!" She practically yelped.

"What? I told her she wasn't invited! How did she even get in?" Blair questioned furiously as she made her way through the crowd trying to spot the traitor.

"Its Serena. When has any bouncer ever kept her out of a club?" Kati said trying to calm her Queen.

"She just does whatever she wants, doesn't she? Gets whatever she wants." Blair fumed. Blair spotted Serena; it wasn't hard considering Serena always stood out. Always shined. Blair hated her so much at that moment. "Call security. It's a private party; she's not on the list! I want her gone, NOW!"

"Ok." Kate offered meekly before running off to do Blair's bidding.

Blair grabbed another glass of Champagne downing it quickly. This was classic Serena, it was Blair's big night and all anyone would talk about tomorrow was how Serena had crashed it.

"Blair, did you know Serena's here?" Nate asked as he came up behind Blair.

"I'm aware." Blair said without looking away from where Serena stood, talking to some nobody freshman.

"Are you ok? You look like you're about to blow a gasket."

"I'm fine, or at least I will be once security shows up and does their job."

"Wait, you're having Serena kicked out? That's a little much don't you think?"

"What's the point of paying a security team if they aren't going to keep unwanted sluts out of your party?" Blair asked rhetorically. Blair stumbled a bit as she began to walk downstairs, Nate following behind. She'd already had four glasses of champagne on an empty stomach and was beginning to feel a little woozy.

"I think you're a little drunk with power, or maybe just drunk. How many of those glasses have you chugged tonight?" Nate said steading Blair's swaying form.

"I'm fine." Blair quickly retorted as she shook off Nate's hands and continued on her path.

"You keep saying that…"

"So stop asking me." Blair whipped around to Nate.

"Fine, whatever." Nate brushed past her.

Blair reached out and grabbed his arm jerking him back so he faced her. "Do not go talk to her." Blair hissed.

"I wasn't." Nate yanked his arm out of her grasp effortlessly. "I was going to get another beer."

"Good, because don't forget what she did to you."

"You know what? I remember what she did to me, so you can stop reminding me every five minutes."

"I'm trying to help."

"You're trying to manipulate me."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is. Stop trying to control me just because you can't control Chuck and Serena." Nate stormed off down the stairs.

Blair grabbed another glass of Champagne; her nerves were fried. She was about to down it when security arrived and pulled Serena to the side. Blair relished in the look on the blonde's face as they told her she had to leave. Serena turned her head in indignation only to lock eyes with Blair. Blair simply raised her glass to Serena as a mock toast and smirked in celebration. Serena shook off the guard's hand as he tried to physically remove her, and stormed out of the club.

* * *

Nate drank his beer alone in the alleyway. That party had been suffocating. Blair was out of control, Chuck was volatile and Serena… well Serena was Serena. And Serena being Serena no longer concerned him. That story had been told too many times, and it never seemed to have a happy ending.

He just wished he could have one day when everything wasn't so confusing, when he didn't feel so entirely lost. He wanted freedom from this toxic world. He wanted to be someone other than an Archibald, other than the Vanderbilt heir. He just wanted to be Nate, who that was even more confusing. He had no idea who "Nate" really was, but he knew who he wasn't. He wasn't his father, he wasn't Chuck, he wasn't any part of that world, or he didn't want to be.

God, everything was so screwed up and complicated now. He wished he could do what Blair did and blame it all on Serena, but he couldn't. He had been drifting long before that infamous night. Life wasn't the perfect dream his family had pitched to him since birth. Life was a bitch, it was deceitful, cruel, manipulative, ingenious and a mystery. Life was a lot like Blair Waldorf, but at least he knew how to handle her.

Nate heard a giant commotion out by the street. He clearly heard Serena yelling at the top of her lungs a long stream of curse words, mostly aimed at said manipulative, bitchy girl. Nate walked forward to the alley's opening to the street and saw Serena continue to scream at Blair even though the hostess had yet to even emerge from the club. Serena finally hailed a cab and got in. Blair made her appearance as Serena slammed the door closed. Blair just kept smirking wickedly as she finished off yet another glass of Champagne.

* * *

Blair stood outside the entrance to the club, the party was in its peak, but all she cared about was making sure Serena had really left.

"The party is missing its host." Chuck's silky voice drifted in.

"It'll manage." Blair responded absent-mindedly.

"I heard you kicked out Serena. The whole club heard you did, hell maybe even the city."

"She never could do anything without making a scene. Did you come to check on her? Make sure precious Serena got home ok?"

"I came to check on you."

"Why?" Blair turned to him defeated.

"We need to finish our talk."

"Chuck, I am not in the mood for another heart to heart."

"Why won't you talk to me? I don't get it. I thought we'd really, I don't know…reconnected."

"I did to, which is why I don't get why you want to go and screw everything up. The way we do things works, its not perfect, but it works for us."

"No, it doesn't! You never listen!"

"Neither do you! I said I don't want to change our dynamic. I'm tired of discussing it. Either take it or leave, but it's my final offer."

"What are you so afraid will happen if we quit the games?"

"I am NOT _afraid_."

"Then why are you fighting me so hard on this. For once can we just be honest? Just tell me why!"

"You really want to know?" Blair asked crossing her arms.

"Yes, for the love of god yes!" Chuck exclaimed in frustration.

"Fine, I'll tell you. I'm scared that without the games, with just _honesty_" Blair scoffed at the word, "You'll get bored…of me. If I can't keep you on your toes, keep you guessing and chasing then you'll tire of me like every other girl in Manhattan and then I'll just be another name in your little black book. _That_ Chuck, is what I'm scared of." Blair said fighting back the tears.

"Really? That's what your afraid of? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Screw you!" Blair yelled and tried to go back into the club, but Chuck held her in place.

"Listen Blair because I'm only going to explain this once. I love you, not the games you. I get that you have trust and abandonment issues, which I haven't helped, but I'm not going anywhere." Chuck said as he took Blair's hand in his. "And for the record, you could never be just a name in my book. You're a whole fucking novel. Can we please just…move past everything?"

"I can't…yet, but soon. Really, really soon." Blair promised before returning to her party.

Chuck stayed outside for a few more moments trying to clear his head. He was just as screwed up as Blair, just as damaged. Maybe that was their real problem. Perhaps they were both to broken to help fix each other on their own. That however was a truth Chuck wasn't sure he, and definitely not Blair, was ready to face.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Revenge

Blair's hand was still shaking slightly as she reapplied her lip gloss. The sound of the running faucet created a hush in her mind as she tried to block out the thousand little voices in the back of her mind that told her the navy dress suit she was wearing made her thighs look ginourmous. Blair turned the water off, the deed was done, now it was time to focus. Today she would be victorious, today she'd put Serena in her place once and for all. She looked in the mirror and let out a long breath before composing herself.

She went to her desk and picked up the incriminating dvd. For a second she thought maybe she should forget this whole silly plan, be the bigger person and let the past go, but then she remembered all the tears she had shed over what Serena had done. All the hurt her former friend had caused her. She erased all hesitation from her mind. She would be the bigger person, once she'd gotten even.

* * *

Upper classman scurried about the hallways as they got ready for the Ivy Week Social. All the reps had arrived and were relaxing in the staff lounge before the mixer started. Blair had spent all morning wowing the Yale rep with funny anecdotes and her impressive knowledge about the University's history. The day had been going perfectly, now all she needed to do was get the grand finale to go off without a hitch. Blair walked down the hallway with her minions as she went over the checklist for everything that had to be done before the social could start.

Blair spotted Serena walking down the hallway and couldn't resisit getting in one more round before she wrote the girl off forever.

"Serena, I'm surprised you're here, don't you have an orgy or something to get to."

"Hillairious. You know its Ivy Week and the rep from Brown is here."

"Oh, are you still pusuing that? I thought you'd have given up on that by now."

"And why's that exactly?"

"Brown doesn't offer degrees in slut." Blair bit with a smile.

"But I suppose Yale offers degrees in bitch? I'm surprised they haven't offered a teaching position to you." Serena responded, squaring her shoulders as she prepared for another fight. However Blair just laghed. "What's so funny?"

"You'll see soon enough. Everyone will."

"Blair, you have crazy eyes. What are you planning?" Serena asked becoming nervous.

"I don't want to ruin the surprise, where's the fun in that?"

"Blair, I know you're in charge of dealing with the Ivy reps. If you're planning on trashing me to the one from Brown, please don't. Please, I'm begging you, just keep your mouth shut."

"Oh why would I tell when I could show?"

"What?" Serena asked confused.

"The social's about to start, you don't want to miss this." Blair continued to walk on her path to the courtyard where her plan was about to unfold.

"Blair, please! I know you hate me, but whatever this is don't do it!" Serena yelled as she followed after the minions.

"Too late, Serena." Blair called over her shoulder.

* * *

Serena's breath came out in short fast puffs as she tried to calm herself down. Her palms grew sweaty and her heart was beating a thousand time per minute. She'd seen that look before, that victorious look in Blair's eyes when she knew she'd won the battle. The last time she'd seen that look on Blair's face the girl had just taken everything from Serena, she prayed that wasn't what would happen again today.

* * *

_ Serena found her old minions perched on the Met Steps looking up at Blair as they hung onto everyword she said. _

_ "Blair, whats going on?" Serena asked as she approached her best friend, maybe former best friend now. Blair refused to even look at her, pretending she didn't hear Serena. "Please, Blair just talk to me. I know you're mad, but-"_

_ "I'm not mad!" Blair snapped, "I'm furious, I'm livid!"_

_ "I know I messed up, I broke my promise, but just talk to me, please. I'm sorry."_

_ "Tell your apologies to someone who cares. Leave, I have more important matters to attend to…now that I'm Queen."_

_ "I've been gone for a week! What's happening."_

_ "What's happening is you're out Serena. There's no place for you here anymore. The girls wanted a more stable queen. You're no longer Nate Archibald's girlfrind, you're no longer in with Chuck Bass, and we are nothing. You are irrelevant now." Blair barked as she got up from her seat._

_ "Please Blair," Serena beseeched as tears formed in her eyes as Blair voiced the ending of their friendship, "Tell me how to fix this."_

_ "You don't. You just stay away, from my friends, from my boyfriend, and from me."_

* * *

Serena talked animatedly to Mr. Rush, the Brown Representative, about all the reasons her mother had told her were why she wanted to go to Brown. A hush was sent over the crowd as Blair made her way on stage. Serena held her breath as Blair approached the microphone.

"God afternoon, students, alumni, faculty and our industrious representatives. It is my honor to welcome you to the fiftienth annual Ivy Week social. As in tradition, Constance and St. Judes join together to make a donation to a charity we think is a worthy cause. This year's organization is the Ofstroff Center for Troubled Youth. This amazing institution provides therapy, care and rehabilitiation for teens suffering from mental illness, drug abuse and many other sicological afflictions such as promoscuity." Blair shot a pointed look to Serena, "Here to accept the check is Doctor Ofstroff himself." Blair led the applause as an old man in a tweed suit made his way up the stage. Before Blair handed him the check, the screen behind Blair flickered on.

Serena watched in horror as a video began to play. It was her and Chuck in the kitchen of The Palace. They began hastily taking pieces of each others clothes off before they began having sex. Their moans filled the courtyard. Serena looked over at Mr. Rush who immediately recognized her as the girl in the video. He shot her a suprisied and diasaproving look.

"Umm, I'm not sure what this is. Ugh…" Blair said in fake shock so she didn't seem behind it in front of her peers, teachers and more importantly the Yale rep. Serena began marching toward the stage in blind fury. Everyone was staring at her and giggling. Alumni gasped in shock and disgust. Every teacher there was running around trying to find out how to stop the increasingly graphic video. Blair just stood up their apologizing and acting completely surprised and frazzled, Serena had to admit; the girl could act. Finally as Serena was about to leap on stage and rip the screen down one of the teachers found the powercord and the video disappeared behind a screen of black. However it was too late, the damage was done. Every student was staring at her, snickering and texting about her complete humiliation. Mr. Rush had disapeared in the chaos, not that there was anyway to fix it.

* * *

"I just can't imagine who would do something like that. I feel so horrible for the girl in the video." Blair lied as she faked concern in front of Headmistress Queller and Mrs. Stevens, the Yale rep.

"Blair its not your fault, I know how hard you worked to make sure today went offf without a hitch. Some people are just vicious." Headmistress Queller ignorantly comforted.

"Can't you find out who did it?" Mrs. Stevens asked.

"I've already asked, no one saw who brought the tape. We can try, but I doubt we'll find anything. I've already spoken to Mrs. Van der Woodsen and she just wants to sweep it under the rug, Mr. Bass was unavailable."

"That's awful." Blair sighed hiding her victorious smile.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have about a dozen offended reps and alumni to deal with." Queller sighed before heading off.

"I should get going too, despite todays…suprising turn of events, I'll make sure to give my glowing recommendation to the Dean of Admissions at Yale. You are truly a remarkable woman, Blair." Mrs. Stevens said before departing.

"She has no idea." Serena said as she approached Blair.

"I thought you'd be hiding in a bathroom stall by now." Blair smirked as she squared off towards Serena.

"That was quite the performance. Really, Audrey would be proud." Serena spit through gritted teeth.

"I am truly sorry about what happened. I've always said the school needed better security. Someone could have stopped whoever set up that tape."

"You can stop you're little charade Blair. Its just you and me."

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Just admit it. Be a man and look me in the eyes and admit you did this."

"To what are you reffering?" Blair asked rubbing Serena's nose in it.

"Jesus Blair! Do you have any idea the severity of what you did? The Brown rep saw that. I might not get into college!"

"Like you could, you're barely graduating Serena. Not even Lilly can buy your way into Brown with your shitty record."

"That's not the point! Do you realize how humiliating that was?"

"Fair's fair. Now we're even."

"I know you said you hated me, but up until today I never really thought you meant it."

"That was stupid of you. You've messed with me too many times and now its over. I won, once and for all."

"I should go tell that snob from Yale you were behind the video."

"She won't belive you, I'm the perfect student body president and you're the girl from the sex tape. Just give it up Serena."

"You know what?" Serena asked as tears formed in her eyes.

"What?" Blair asked smugly as she humored the defeated socialite.

"Have Yale, have Constance. Take the last thing I had going for me away like eveything else-"

"I already did."

"But just realize that you didn't win. I might be the school outcast, but you're just as alone. So go have your victory lap becase guess what? Now, I hate you too. We are done." Serena wiped away a treacherous tear and walked away as quickly as possible. She had been humiliated enough for one day.

Blair just scoffed. Was she supposed to feel bad? Serena had deserved it right? That didn't matter. It was over. No looking back, no regrets.

Blair turned around and spotted Chuck chugging out of his signature flask in the corner. Blair made her way over him in hopes of congragulations, he would understand why she did what she did.

"So what did you think? I'm pretty sure everyone saw enough before they turned it off."

"It was… quite enlightening."

"See, I knew you'd get it. Plus I think this will get you tons bragging rights with all the guys at St. Judes. All in all, I'd say it's a win win." Blair beamed.

"Where'd you get the tape?" Chuck asked looking at her for the first time in their entire exchange, and that's when she saw it. He wasn't happy, not even close. He looked angry, hurt even. Blair didn't understand.

"The tape?" Blair choked out as her miscalculation dawned on her.

"Yep. It was last Friday night, wasn't it?" Chuck asked rhetorically. He'd already put all the pieces together. "The night that I poured my heart out to you, it was just a part of your scheme. You distract while one of the flying monkeys broke in and stole that tape. Who was it? Kati? Is? Both? When did you swipe my security card?" Chuck was growing increasingly more furious and Blair just stood their mute. "I thought we were finally moving forward and the whole time it was just another one of your fucking games!" Chuck yelled. Blair quickly looked around to make sure people weren't ease dropping, her throat felt like it was closing. She couldn't breathe.

"No, you don't understand…" Blair whispered.

"No you don't understand! The people we manipulate…I know how little respect you have for them." Chuck looked so broken then. The big bad wolf with all the air knocked out of his lungs.

"But not you. I don't feel that way about you and I won't ever do it again. I promise." Blair swore as she fought back tears. "It was a mistake." She choked out.

"How can I believe a single word you say when everything since that night has been a lie? I was just a pawn in your little game to screw over Serena. You used me, and you thought I was dumb enough not to realize it."

"No, I just…I just. I don't know why I lied to you about why I was there, but what I said, whats been happening between us that wasn't a lie. This has been real."

"I don't believe you, this time you broke it Blair. This time…it was all you." Chuck went to leave, but turned back to her. "And the worst part is, that if you'd just asked for the video, I would have given it to you. I wouldn't have even asked why you wanted it, because I trust you. Trusted, but now that's all gone."

"Chuck…" Blair pleaded.

"I'm supposed to be escorting the Princeton rep." Chuck said as he turned to stone on her. All the walls she had tried for so long to tear down were up again, gaurding his heart from the world. From her. He walked away from her then. Few people had witnessed the exchange. None of them saw the speculated to be mythical hearts of Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf break once again.

* * *

Blair stood outside of Constance trying to hail a cab. She wanted to get out of her suit, she wanted to forget about this day. She saw Nate stubbing out a joit by the stairs. He looked up at her and came over.

"Do you wanna yell at me too?" Blair asked in surrender.

"Kind of. What the hell were you thinking Blair?" Nate asked angrily.

"I was thinking that Serena deserved it. I was thinking Chuck would understand. I don't even get why you're mad."

"You weren't just humiliating Serena. You humiliated Chuck, me, and yourself. It was our exs up there, but you didn't care about that as long as you got even. It didn't matter who you hurt, even yourself, as long as you hurt Serena just a little bit more."

"But she deserved it!" Blair yelled in frustration.

"Goddamnit Blair, you make it so hard to be your friend sometimes! When are you just going to stop clinging to every scrap of anger you have. You talk about how people always leave and here you are pushing people who love you, people who want to be there for you, away with all your might."

"Better I push them away then they just leave like…" Blair quickly wiped away the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

"Just because he left doesn't mean he doesn't love you, and just because they've made mistakes doesn't mean they don't love you too. Just…just realize that before its too late."

"And what if it is already?" Blair asked as she looked down at her shoes.

"Then…maybe you should try being the one who apologises for a change. Theres only so long people can chase you before they get tired."

"I'm exhausted." Blair sighed as she looked up at him. His puppy dog eyes weren't mad anymore, more piting. She wasn't sure which she prefered.

"Being angry all the time can do that. Look for once can you actually put your stubborness aside and listen to someone else."

"I am not stuborn, I'm just normally right." Blair stated petulantly.

"Just for oncetake my advise." Nate hailed her a cab and opened the door for her. "Its not too late."

* * *

"_You've reached Chuck Bass, unfortunately for you, you've missed me. Leave a message after the beep."_ Chuck's voicemail played in Blair's ear for the sixth time this afternnon as another one of her calls was sent straight to voicemail. Blair snapped her phone shut in frustration, she refused to leave him another teary apologetic message, it was bordering on pathetic at this point.

Blair strained her eyes through the rain as she saw Serena walking toward her.

"I don't know why I'm here after what you did today, but I am." Serena angrily exhaled as she walked under the awning.

"I wanted to apologise for the video. It was petty and cruel and a total bitch move. I knew I shouldn't have done it even as I was setting it up, but I just couldn't stop myself. I'm sorry."

"You might have ruined my future, and all you can say is you regret it and you're sorry!"

"Look, don't act all innocent. You betrayed me first! I trusted you!"

"I know!" Serena said, her eyes welling up with tears once again.

"When I found out Daddy was running off to France with a twenty-five year-old male model, you were the first one I told. With you're dad going AWOL I though you'd be the only person to even begin to understand what I was going through. You promised…you wouldn't tell _anybody_. Then you went and told everybody!" Blair yelled as tears poured out of her red, puffy eyes.

"I didn't. I just told Kati and Is to explain why you hadn't been showing up at the Steps and then they just spread it like wildfire."

"You shouldn't have told them period!"

"I know, but how come you just forgave _them_ so easily?"

"I never expected anything from those brainless minions. You were my best friend…"

"I messsed up. I tried to apologise, but you shut me out. You wouldn't talk to me, look at me. You had Chuck run interference twenty-four-seven. My best friend since I was five hated me, so I lost it. Nate was gone, sailing with Trip, and I felt so alone, so I went to a bar…I started drinking and Carter was their. He was nice, and he was the only one from our group other than Nate who would talk to me. The next thing I know we're at his place and then its all over Gossip Girl. Nate dumped me, he looked at me like I was this monster. I couldn't take it so I went up to CeCe's house in the Hamptons for a week until it all blew over. When I got back everything had changed. Nate vanished in the middle of the night to a boarding no one will tell me about. Chuck had forced Carter to transfer and had manuevered you into my role as Queen. Everyone treated me like a leper, I went from top dog to the dog house. But the worst part, even worse then losing Nate, was that you still hated me and all over a mistake."

"I get that telling Kati and Is was a mistake, I can understand that, but sleeping with Chuck, that was on purpose. You went their looking for him and you had sex with him just to hurt me. How can you explain that?"

"It was stupid…I just…the last couple weeks you had been ignoring me, acting like I wasn't even there. At least when you hated me I knew you still cared, I knew we were still connected in some way."

"So you slept with him for…attention?" Blair asked stunned. "Seriously?"

"No, well kind of, I just didn't want you to forget I existed. Even now when you humiliated me in front of everyone you're still my best friend B."

"And as much as I've denied it, you're still mine. I'm tired of being angry, I'm tired of feeling so alone. I just want my best friend back."

"If you can forgive me for everything I did, I can forgive you for what you did."

"We can try."

"Good, because this crazy bitch just aired my sex tape in front of all my teachers and I'm gonna need my best friend to get me through it all."

"She sounds like a total psychopath, should we plot her downfall?" Blair asked sarcstically.

"I think I've had enough scheming for one day. Maybe we could go get coffee and watch one of your hundreds of Hepburn flicks, like old times."

"That would be nice." Blair exhaled, she finally had back a piece of her old life. She wasn't naïve enough to think her and Serena could immediatley go back to being BFFs, but she had to try. She'd need someone in her corner if she was going to get Chuck to pick up his damn phone.

* * *

_ I know it's kind of unrealistic that there wouldn't be police involved and an investigation into the releasing of two teenagers sex tape, but its fiction so level with me. I hope you liked it, I modeled the Serena/Blair reunon at after the actual Ivy Week episode where Blair humiliated Serena and it took that to get them to let it all go. Reviews are appreciated and loved!_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Mistake

Blair sat in her bathtub, filled to the brim with bubbles, as she prepared for school, the week had been complicated. Returning to school with Serena by her side had gone better than expected, but even though Serena swore she didn't want her title as Queen back, there would always be a part of her that questioned the sincerity of that statement. Things with Chuck hadn't gone anywhere because she couldn't find him. Every call went to voicemail, when she went by The Palace he was never there. She had searched his penthouse high and low assuming the front desk girl was lying but he had been nowhere insight. Whenever she showed up to one of his usual haunts she was always greeted with reports that she'd just missed him, which was infuriating. At school he was like a ghost, she might catch a glimpse of the back of his head, or see his trademark scarf flutter around a corner, but by the time she'd reach his former location he'd have disappeared down another hallway. She'd never realized how sneaky he was until she was the one he was avoiding. Blair's train of thought was interrupted by an expected knock on the bathroom door.

"Come in." Blair responded, as she made sure the bubbles covered all her bits and pieces. Nate entered the room hesitantly waiting for Blair to gasp in horror and send him on his way. "Nate, come in already."

He looked down at her before quickly turning around to face the other wall, "Blair you're naked, how is this an appropriate meeting place."

"Oh calm down. I'm not shy, just turn around and talk to me." Nate did so begrudgingly, "besides, its nothing you haven't seen before." Blair shot him a cheeky smile.

Nate returned with a humorless grin that disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, "Chuck will murder me when he finds out I was in here while you were bathing."

"Well you didn't leave me much choice of being able to talk to you. You are always off with Chuck, which has meant I've barely seen you all week. You're not avoiding me too, are you?"

"Its not you I'm avoiding." Nate mumbled. "I mean can you blame me, you and Serena have been glued at the hip all week."

"All your talk about is forgiveness and you still run and hide at the very mention of her name. It's a little hypocritical, no?"

"I don't want to talk about me and Serena, there is no me and Serena. Why am I here?"

"Because, you are my pipeline to Chuck. How is he?"

"He's fine."

"What's he been up to?"

"The usual."

"Is he ok? Is he still mad?" Blair asked growing increasingly frustrated, "Have you even talked to him?"

"He's still mad, we've talked."

"Care to elaborate?"

"No, not really."

"Nate, you're my friend too, so I'd appreciate an answer that requires more than four syllables."

"What do you want me to say? He's upset, he feels betrayed-"

"He slept with Serena! That's betrayal, and I've forgiven him for it."

"Look, you are my friend Blair, but Chuck's my bro and when push comes to shove I have to have his back, which means I can't divulge all my info to you so you can use to get him back."

"Chuck's always happier when we're together, so really you'd be helping him." Blair pleaded, Nate looked sternly at her.

"I have to go back home, Chuck's picking me up in a bit and he can't know I met with the enemy."

"You know I'll get him back, you're just prolonging the process."

"And when you do I will jump for joy because it will mean the end of sad, depression Chuck. However until then…" Nate shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah bro code. Just go, you're even more useless then my minions."

"Yeah, you should tell Hazel that when tailing someone, you shouldn't walk directly behind them in a trench coat and beret."

"I so have to get rid of her." Blair sighed, "Look can you at least tell me this?"

"What?"

"Is Chuck still coming to the Masquerade?"

"Even when he was an underclassmen and not allowed, he always managed to go. He wouldn't miss it."

"Good," Blair smiled. "One more question, what mask is he wearing?"

* * *

"You know I think this might be the first time in your entire relationship where you are the chaser and not the chasey." Serena commented as she helped Blair look for Chuck in the courtyard.

"For good reason, because apparently I suck at it! I can't find him, how am I supposed to make everything right if he won't talk to me, god if he won't even let me locate him!" Blair checked gossip girl for the hundredth time that morning to see if he'd been spotted.

"Maybe you should take the hint, you know? What did you say when he was trying to get you back?"

"I said I needed time."

"So give him time. Let him process, calm down and forgive on his own time table."

Blair stopped and thought over Serena's words carefully, "No. I'm going to make him talk to me, I'm going to force him to forgive me and the we'll live happily ever after."

"Well as long as you're being reasonable."

"Look, I know Chuck. When he's upset he indulges in all his self-destructive vices."

"So you're doing this for him?" Serena questioned, seeing right through Blair's bullshit.

"Exactly."

"It has nothing to do with the fact that you miss him, and you realized that the all mighty Blair Waldorf actually screwed up this time. That for once you are on his shit list. For once you have to apologize to Chuck."

"Nope." Blair answered petulantly.

"Then you are such a humanitarian."

"Thank you, S. Now either zip the lip and help me find him or you will be back on my shit list.  
"Look, we both now if Chuck doesn't want someone to find him they won't. He's Houdini in an ascot, so take a chill pill and wait for him to come to you."

"You are so lazy. No wonder you and Nate are still broken up." Serena cringed at the reminder, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up. I know it pisses both of you off when ever I talk about it."

"No its fine. I'm letting him be angry, and once he has calmed down I will talk to him like an adult and convince him to forgive me and take me back."

"Good luck with that. You're being way too passive about this."

"And you are being way too aggressive."

"If you want something, you have to take it."

"Chuck isn't a table at Butter or a lead in the school play. You can't go after everything headfirst."

"Well while you were waiting at the bar and playing the nurse, I was enjoying a four course meal at the hottest restaurant and staring as Juliet in the spring production. Just like while I am taking Chuck to cotillion you'll be sifting through a dozen of date offers, all of which who aren't Nate."

"You are free to handle things your way, but I'm going to be patient and wait him out."

"Patience has never been your forte, S."

"Says the girl who's never waited in a line all her life."

"Whatever, anyways are you coming this Saturday?"

"To what?" Serena asked confusedly.

"Oh crap, I've been so caught up in Chuck drama I forgot to invite you. The Masquerade is this Saturday. Everyone's going, even Chuck. I managed to get Nate to reveal which mask he's going to be wearing. He'll have his guard down because he'll think he's incognito and then I'll ambush him!"

"That's a totally normal relationship tactic, " Serena said sarcastically, "How is it I haven't even heard a word about the Masquerade all month?"

"Back when we were enemy's, I may have threatened all the upperclassmen not to tell you about it." Serena turned to glare at Blair, "But that's all in the past now! I'm inviting you, you're going, I'll have Dorota get you a dress and a mask. It'll be fabulous!"

* * *

"Have you seen him?" Blair questioned her voice filled with nerves as she scanned the crowd. The masquerade was in full swing, but Serena has been forced to spend the whole evening following Blair around as her best friend searched desperately for Chuck.

"It's a Masquerade, Blair. Isn't the point that you can't tell who the other person is?" Serena questioned in annoyance. She had hoped to talk to Nate, but had had no such luck.

"I told you, he's wearing a red devil's mask."

"How appropriate." Serena said under her breath as she continued to look for him. "There's Nate!" Serena squealed as she located her ex, even disguised by his silver phantom of the opera-esque mask she could tell it was him, it's his smile as he laughs at something someone says. Its so simple, so warm, so Nate.

"Maybe he knows where Chuck is." Blair commented.

"I'll go ask," Serena volunteered, she's been thinking about Blair's words the past couple days.

"You think it's a good idea for you to ask?" Blair questioned, unsure.

"See what you want and take it right? I'll go find out where Chuck is, and I'll force Nate to talk to me." Serena headed off determined

* * *

"Nate?" Serena claimed his attention as she goes to stand in front of him.

"Hey, Serena. I was actually just going to get some punch." Nate said as he began to walk away.

"Please." She begged as she grabs on to his arm. "Just talk to me…"

"I don't know what to say." He responded solemnly, a familiar song fills the room. It's "Secret" by The Pierces, their song. They had danced to it at Cotillion, back when they were happy and in love. "Secret, how appropriate."

"Then just dance with me."

"I don't know…"

"Its our song." Serena pleaded.

"Exactly, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Just one song, one dance." Serena looked at him with her big puppy dog eyes and he melts a little bit. He's not sure if its because of how beautiful she looks or the song or the fact that no matter how much he denies it he has missed her, but he lets her drag him onto the dance floor and they fall into the steps so effortlessly that he thinks for a second he could let it all go and be with her forever. But it's just for a moment and then reality comes back as her voice fills the air.

"I really am sorry about very thing. About Carter I mean…"

"Can we please not talk about it." Nate answers gruffly.

"I just need you to understand how terrible I feel about what I did to you. What I did…I'll never forgive myself for hurting you."

"Well at least we agree on something."

"What?" Serena asks hopefully.

"We can both never forgive you." Serena recoils from the sting of his words.

"Please Natey…"

"Don't call me that."

"But I've always called you Natey."

"That was then and this is now. Now the song's over and so are we, so if you'll excuse me." Nate lets go of her hands and they fall limply at her sides. Nate quickly rushes off the dance floor to escape the torture of her presence, hoping for solitude as he makes his way toward the closed off bar. He didn't hear the light click of Serena's heels or the swish of her floor-length yellow dress as she runs after him.

* * *

He was standing in a corner leaning up against the wall watching the intricate dance that took place in the ballroom, when she spotted him. He may have been dressed like the devil, but she thanked God she found him. Blair stalked across the dance floor and saddled up next to him.

"The devil mask is a nice change to your standard black."

"Now what's the point of it being at a Masquerade if people know who you are? Nathaniel has such a big mouth."

"Don't blame him, you didn't honestly think you could come tonight and I wouldn't find you?"

"Maybe I wanted you to find me," Chuck whispered as Blair leaned in to him a little more, "Or maybe I just can't resist a good party." Blair felt herself deflate.

"Now who's playing games?" Blair stated as she blocked his path.

"This isn't a game, just a little banter while I wait for you to get to the point."

"I will in due time, I was actually referring to you hiding from me all week. You're it." Blair laid a tentative hand on his forearm.

"I wasn't hiding so you would find me. I just needed a break from it all."

"You wanted me to get to the point? Fine, I'm sorry, I messed up, I know that, now forgive me already so we can be together."

"You can't order me around, Blair. For once this relationship isn't on your terms." Chuck maneuvered around her and started walking away.

"I'm not going to chase you Chuck." Blair yelled defiantly after him, "I said I'm not going to…I'm not going to chase you!" Blair petulantly repeated as she raised her skirt and began following Chuck through the crowded dance floor all the while insisting she would not chase him.

* * *

"Nate!" Serena called as she followed him into the bar.

"Serena, me leaving wasn't an invitation for you to follow."

"I need to talk to you. I have to apologize."

"You've apologized a hundred times."

"And I'm going to keep apologizing until you forgive me."

"Serena!" Nate whipped around to look at her, "I can't do that. You think if you just keep saying you're sorry that eventually you'll wear me down, but you can't. Its not like I want to stay mad at you, I can't help it. Whenever I see you all I can do if picture you and Carter…"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop." Nate ordered wearily.

"Not until you forgive me. If we could just talk it out, I know we can get past it. Just tell me how you feel, stop fighting me so hard on everything."

"You know what? Fine. You want to know how I feel? Here we go. You are careless, Serena."

"What?" The blonde asked in confusion.

"You just breeze in to people's lives and you don't see the damage you cause. You don't understand that you can hurt people, that you do without meaning to and then you don't get why they can't just blow it off like you do. You hurt me, and I know it was an accident, and I know you're sorry, but it doesn't erase the past." Nate sat down on one of the bar stools defeated. All his fight had been drained; he didn't want to argue anymore. He didn't want to yell, he just wanted to be alone with the millions of thoughts constantly running through his head. He let his head collapse in his hands as he tried to pull himself together.

Serena looked at Nate, he was so broken and sad. She just wanted to make him feel better. She slowly removed the feathers from her hair, and then her mask, her black fur shrug and finally her yellow dress fell to the floor in a silent whoosh. She stood there before him in the golden nighty he had bought her for their six-month anniversary.

She walked up to him quietly before kneeling by the stool and pulling his hands away from his face.

"What are you doing Serena?" Nate asked perplexed, he thought she would have run off by now.

"I understand how much I hurt you, but I know that if you'd just let me…I could make you happy again."

"Serena…" His plea died as she put her finger to his lips silencing him before she kissed him softly. "We can't do this." He whispered weakly.

"Yes we can, we can go back to how we were." She protested in a soft voice.

"Serena stop." Nate continued as she crawled up onto his lap so she was straddling him. She just shushed him as her lips found the sensitive spot behind his ear that always melted him. Her hands ran through his hair as she kissed him greedily trying to incite the passion she knew still existed underneath his cool surface. She would find her old Natey in there no matter what it took.

Nate felt his resolve weakening, he continued to voice small protests, but he didn't have the strength to stop her, in the back of his mind he almost didn't want to. He thought about everything that happened the last year, and then he thought about how good things had been the year before. Something primal took over him then, and all he wanted to do was make her forget about Carter and Chuck and the dozens of other guys she had known in her wilder days. He wanted her to only remember him, so he began kissing her back. He let his hands claim her body once again. Just like in the dance before, they easily fell back in the familiar routine of a much more intimate type. He wasn't sure if it was the smell of her perfume, the feel of her skin or the sound of her voice as she whispered sweet apologies and endearments, but he soon found himself becoming lost in her infinite warmth. He let it all go then, because he desperately hoped that maybe she could make him happy again.

* * *

He pulled his cape on as he quietly dressed across from her; silence surrounded them. It was beyond painful for him; she didn't seem to notice, lost in her own little world as she pulled on her dress. Nate finished straightening his clothes and tried to come up with the words that would free him from this situation.

"Have you seen my other shoe?" Serena asked as she searched around the bar for it. Nate looked down and found the black stiletto lying a few inches from where he stood. He leaned down and picked it up before extending it towards her.

"Found it." Nate muttered quietly.

"My hero." Serena joked as she walked over and took it. She pressed her lips to his once again and made a soft kind of moan before pulling away and putting on her shoe.

"We should probably get back to the party, people will start to wonder where we are."

"Ok, but do you want to get out of here later. My mother is in Budapest or Bucharest with her newest husband and Eric is sleeping over at his friends house…Jonathan or something…so we've got the whole place to ourselves."

"I…ugh can't. My mom wants me home soon."

"Oh…ok." Serena said looking sad for a moment before recovering. "How about tomorrow?"

"Umm maybe, I don't know. I really have to go." Nate said as his heart started beating a million times a minute.

"Ok, I'll come with you. We can dance some more before you leave."

"Your hair." Nate blurted out as she approached him again.

"What about it?" Serena asked

"You're ugh…missing you're feathers."

"Oh right." Serena laughed, before beginning to look for them, "I can't go out there with sex hair."

"I'll ugh…meet you out there." Nate said as he put on his mask as sped out of the room. This couldn't be real. This couldn't have happened. This was so bad. So really, really bad. Nate could hear his hear pounding in his ears as he reentered the ballroom.

* * *

Blair was beyond pissed at this point. She had lost Chuck in the crowd earlier and now she couldn't find Serena either. She was really sick of people pulling the vanishing act around her. She had had her fill of this party and was ready to just go home and take her mind off all the drama in her life. She turned around to see Nate standing there as he removed his mask, he looked…Blair couldn't find the right words to described the devastated, confused, empty look that formed its own mask on his face.

"Nate?" Blair asked as she walked up the steps so she was on the same level as him. "What happened?"

"I did something bad…I made a huge mistake."

"What did you do?" Blair asked becoming increasingly worried.

"I slept with Serena…"

"You what?" Blair asked in shock.

"I don't know what happened, I was ranting and then she was undressing and then she was on top of me and I just…it was a mistake."

"You mistakenly had sex with her? Nate you're not making any sense."

"I have to get out of here…I can't breathe." Nate pulled hastily at his black bowtie.

"Calm down, it was just sex."

"It was sex with Serena…I can't deal with this. I have to get out of here." Nate was pacing now.

"So get a taxi, go home and calm down."

"No, I have to get out of the city. It's suffocating, she's…she's everywhere. I have to get out of here."

"Nate, calm down. You just moved back, you can't take off."

"I can't be in the city right now. Just for a couple days I'll go see Trip or something. I just can't be here, not now."

"You can't hook up with Serena and then bail."

"I can't be here! I have to go." Nate could barely breathe as the reality of all the repercussions of what he'd done continued to sink in on him.

"Nate, just breathe." Blair said as she tried desperately to calm Nate down.

"I can't Blair! Don't you see that? I…I…I have to go, now. Tonight. I just have too." Nate said before rushing off toward the door to the front of the ballroom that led to the street entrance. Blair pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried to process Nate's total breakdown.

"Blair!" Serena called as she bounded up to her. "Have you seen Nate? The most amazing thing just happened!"

* * *

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I just wanted to thank everyone who has reviewed my story, your feedback means so much! Please let me know what you thought of the latest update! :) _


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Apologies

"Blair?" Serena asked as she crept into her friend's room.

"Go away." Called the brunette from under the covers.

"You didn't come to school today, which is a very un-Blair thing to do. It makes a girl worry." Serena took a seat at the edge of Blair's bed and tugged the comforter off of Blair.

Blair pulled herself into a seated position and let the blankets pool around her lap. "Do you know what today is?" Blair asked with the most miserable expression on her face.

"September twentieth? Tuesday? I'm not sure what you want from me."

"It _is_ September twentieth, and two years ago on the dot I broke up with Nate because I realized I was in love with Chuck, I went to Victrola, told him, and we got together. It was the beginning of our relationship. Last year on the anniversary Chuck told me he loved me for the first time. This is a momentous day, but instead of being with him, we're broken up and I'm in hell!" Blair yelled bordering on hysterics.

"B, sweetie, I don't know what to say. If you're this upset do something about it."

"I've tried Serena! He doesn't want to talk to me. I'm the only person he's ever completely trusted and I lied to him. I used him and he'll hate me forever!" Blair flung herself back onto the mattress.

"He doesn't hate you. He loves you, I'm sure he's just as upset as you are. He's just worried about getting played again."

"But how can I fix that, if he avoids me?" Blair asked in frustration; Serena took a moment to consider everything.

"Make yourself unavoidable, you know Chuck is a masochist. He'll be at Victrola stewing in his own sorrow and self-pity as he thinks of all the memories of you two. Go there and do what ever it takes to make him deal with the fact that he still loves you, and you still love him and what's happened between you two is real."

"OMG that's brilliant S!" Blair squealed as she sprung from her bed. "I think I still have the dress from that night too. It'll be like the past and the present all smashed together. Our history and our future and I'll make that Mother Chucker beg to have me back!" Blair added as she went over to her closet sifting through a hundred or so dresses.

"Calm down, B. How do you still have the dress after two years?"

"It has sentimental value, plus it's an Eleanor original. Mother would kill me if I threw it out. Got it!" Blair pulled the grayish-green, lace, pilgrim number out of her closet, carefully inspecting it. "Not Eleanor's best design. I hope it still fits." Blair rushed into the bathroom.

Serena sprawled out on Blair's bed examining her nails as she waited for Blair to emerge from the bathroom. "Hey have you heard from Nate? I've been calling him the past couple days and he hasn't picked up." Serena yelled to Blair.

"Ugh…yeah he said he was going to visit Trip and Maureen down at the estate. He's probably on another sailing voyage and has terrible reception."

"That's probably it." Serena agreed naively, "I just, I'm worried everything that happened on Saturday might have been a little overwhelming. I just want to make sure he knows I'm cool with taking it slow, easing back into everything."

Blair opened the door after she had finished changing, "Because jumping him totally says taking it slow."

"I couldn't help it, he's just so beautiful, and sweet and completely and utterly perfect." Serena sighed.

"I just don't want you to get too invested in this before you've even talked to him."

"It'll be fine. He'll come back, we'll have a convo and then we'll be back together and all shall be right in the world."

Blair went in front of the mirror to look at herself.

"The dress is a little baggy, B. You must have a lost some weight since then." Serena said as she studied her friend, she recalled the last time Blair had lost a bunch of weight back in freshman year. That time period had been followed by an extend stay at her "Aunt's" in Connecticut. "You haven't gone on one of Eleanor's crazy diets, have you?" Serena asked, almost hopefully, anything would be better than the alternative.

"Know…must just be stress or whatever. Being Queen can be challenging at times, as I'm sure you remember." Blair quickly answered as she fussed with the dress.

"Are you sure its stress?" Serena said as she got up and walked over to Blair.

"Positive." Blair answered shortly.

"Ok…hey I stopped at that French bakery and got a treat to cheer you up. Macaroons, you're favorite." Serena fished the box out of her purse. "Here have one." Serena held one of the cookies out to Blair.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed." Blair said as she began pinning the dress.

"Really? Because I talked to Dorota before I came up and she said you haven't eaten all day." Serena said as she eyed Blair. "Have the cookie."

"I'm not going to stuff my face with sugar and fat." Blair said batting the cookie away.

"Eat the cookie Blair." Serena insisted.

"I don't want to."

"Eat the cookie!"

"Jesus, fine." Blair snatched the macaroon from Serena's hand and took a big bite of it. "There are you happy?" Blair asked, her mouth still full, "Now I have to go reapply my lip gloss. Blair rushed into the bathroom slamming the door shut, only to reappear a few seconds later. "There I ate the cookie, now I'm going to grab some pins from Eleanor's office." Blair rushed off.

Serena set the cookies down on Blair's desk, as she felt a tickle form in her nose, she quickly went into Blair's bathroom and grabbed a tissue before allowing herself to sneeze, as she went t throw it away she saw something in the trash. It was the rest of Blair's macaroon along with what seemed to be a tissue filled with the bite she had supposedly eaten. Serena let out a long sigh as she began to worry that Blair's dirty little secret was coming back for round two.

"Found them." Blair called as she reentered her bedroom; Serena quickly joined her.

"B, how has everything been with you lately? With your dad and Eleanor?"

"Daddy? He's blissfully happy with Roman in their chateau. At least he was the last time I talked to him, which was about a month ago so maybe they've broken up. A girl can only hope."

"And Eleanor?"

"Eleanor's Eleanor. She lost forty pounds and got an eyelift, the divorce has been good for her. She's had more time to focus on her work. She'd been in London the past couple weeks working on expanding the brand. She'll be home tomorrow."

"So you've been kind of alone here." Serena realized sadly.

"Not alone. I have Dorota, I have you, Nate. Soon I'll have Chuck too."

"But they're your parents, B."

"Only by genetics. Look can we not talk about this, I don't want to get all bummed out before tonight."

"I'm just worried."

"Don't be, I've got everything under control. Accept for my hair, that's definitely a split end." Blair said as she examined herself in the mirror. "I have to go to the salon like yesterday. I have to be perfect for tonight." Blair said as she grabbed her purse.

"Don't you need an appointment?"

"I'm Blair Waldorf." She stated matter-of –factly.

"You have been spending too much time with Chuck."

"And hopefully I'll be spending a lot more." Blair smirked before she took off. Serena sat back down on Blair's bed. This was terrible. Really and truly awful and Serena wasn't sure she was equipped to deal with Blair's possible relapse on her own.

* * *

Chuck sat slumped over in his booth as he swirled around his glass of scotch. The amber liquid whirled around in the glass reflecting the multicolored lights that barely lit up Victrola. It was meant to be dark, meant to be mysterious, it was a place where fantasies came true and the real world didn't exist. So when ever Chuck felt truly awful he would return, lie in his private booth and drink enough scotch to drown his sorrows. He was far to sober at this point because he kept getting distracted before he could continue his binge drinking. He kept thinking of her, she was embedded in every inch of this club. Places they'd kissed, places they'd danced, placed they drank in celebration. Her memory clouded over him and he let him self get lost in it, because even though it was painful, she was still there. That was his deepest and darkest fantasy; that she would be with him.

He had wanted to forgive her a couple days after the incident, but it was harder than he had thought to tell the one person you let all they way in that you still loved them, now that you questioned if they really loved you. So he closed up, let his natural instincts to be cold and distant take over and he shut her out. Perhaps it was good for her, she could finally move on to a happy, normal person. Someone without all Chuck's emotional baggage, someone who would take care of her instead of Blair always having to take care of him. Yes, it was good what he was doing, he was setting her free, untangling them before he could hurt her again. She would have her happily ever after, and Chuck would have his fantasy.

Chuck took another sip of scotch and as the song changed so did the atmosphere in the club. Chuck looked up at the stage and there she was, in an eerily familiar dress looking at him. It wasn't a fantasy either this time; it was really Blair. She smirked at him as she removed her jewel-encrusted headband and threw it off the stage. It landed with a soft clunk at his feet and he picked it up. Holding her signature accessory up to his nose as he inhaled the scent of her perfume. He looked back at her, her chestnut curls swayed freely, as she did.

She turned to the side and took her time, savoring the catcalls as she unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor. She stood there exposed to him, and everyone in the club, in just her slip. She had him then, he'd taken the bait. He got up and walked closer to the stage, mesmerized by her as she raised her arms up in the air and swayed in rhythm with the song. She looked over her shoulder at him and gave him her most seductive look. She had him; she knew it was true. He was hers again, eternally bound to this perfect creature he saw before him.

Blair bent so she was in an almost crouching position on the stage as she ran her hands over her legs at an agonizingly slow pace, and toyed with her pearl necklace as the crowd cheered for her. She stood back up and continued dancing for the final moments of the song unable to stop smiling as she looked at his face. The way his eyes devoured her made the butterflies, still alive after two years, flutter in her stomach.

* * *

She walked over to him slowly; he was still standing where he had been during her performance. "Did you enjoy the show?" She asked coyly.

"I'm…um left without words. What…why…umm you looked…"

"I know." Blair said allowing her arrogance to slip in.

"Why did you do it?" Chuck asked.

"I had to get your attention somehow, you've been avoiding me like the plague."

"I know…I'm sorry about that. It wasn't fair to you." Chuck said avoiding looking at her.

"No it wasn't. I get that I hurt you and I'm sorry. Just like you know you hurt me, but I understand that you're sorry. We're always going to make mistakes, but if we let it tear us apart then all the people who think our relationship is doomed win. And you know how much I hate losing."

"I recall." Chuck smirked, beginning to feel like himself again.

"You are ridiculous and dangerous and completely impossible, but I love you. Ok, so don't you dare ever doubt that. I love you, Chuck Bass."

"I love you too. Always have."

"Always will." Blair finished. "So can we please just stop fighting this and just be together, because I'm not going to give up on you."

"And I'm not going any where, so I suppose it's only a matter of time." Chuck took her hand and pulled her in closer, running his hand up her arm until it entangled itself in her curls. He moved so his lips were right next to hers. "I love you." He repeated. Blair closed the remaining gap between them. He knew he'd said he'd let her go, that it was for the best that she'd move on and be free of him, but Chuck Bass had always been an admittedly selfish man.

* * *

"B, we need to talk." Serena said as her greeting as Blair answered her phone the following morning.

"I know, S! So much has happened, our plan went perfectly!" Blair was curled up next to Chuck in his limo as they left The Palace.

"I'm glad, but actually it's about something else." Serena said biting her lip, the whole thing with the macaroon had been eating at her. She didn't want to jump to assumptions, but at the same time Blair had a history of bulimia and anorexia, she couldn't just ignore it.

"What?" Blair asked before giggling as Chuck leaned in and kissed her behind her ear.

"I can't say it over the phone. Can we meet for breakfast or something?" At least then Serena could see if Blair was eating before accusing her.

"Oh, sorry S. I'm going to get coffee with Chuck. I'm in desperate need of caffeine, I didn't get much sleep last night…" Blair smirked into the phone.

"Please, don't elaborate." Serena groaned, she was glad Chuck and Blair were back together, but she did not want to hear about their night of make-up sex. "Ok, I'll see you at school I guess, but its really important." Serena pressed as she walked across the street, a speeding taxi honking at her. Serena had never paid much attention to traffic lights.

"S, where are you? Its sounds like you're in a subway or something."

"Like you would know what a subway sounds like. I'm on my way over to The Palace."

"S, Chuck and I already left."

"I know that, but Nate doesn't. Gossip Girl spotted him heading downtown and Chuck's is always his first stop in the morning."

"What, are you stalking him now?"

"Now I just want to see him. Make sure we're cool."

"Maybe you should play hard to get or something. I don't think it's a good idea for you to go talk to him."

"Blair calm down, it'll be fine."

"Sure." Blair said not looking forward to how crushed Serena would be once she talked to Nate.

"We'll talk later, right?"

"Yeah of course, we'll probably have to. Later S."

"Bye, B." Serena hung up the phone as she made her way to The Palace. She had barely set foot into the courtyard out front when Nate made his way out of the building, his head down as he texted Chuck. "Nate!" Serena called to him, Nate began to look increasingly uneasy as he saw who had called his name.

"Serena, umm what are you doing here? Chuck's not home."

"Yeah, I know. I was actually looking for you." Serena said as she walked closer to him.

"Oh," was all Nate could muster up.

"I wanted to talk to you, I feel like we left things pretty weird on Saturday, but I just ugh wanted to make sure we were cool."

"Yeah, totally." Nate said as he shifted uneasily.

"Good, because you just kinda took off, I was worried maybe you freaked out after everything."

"No, I mean kind of. I just, I needed some time to sort everything out."

"I know. I totally get it. And I hope now that you're done sorting we can pick up where we left off. Grab some coffee or something."

"I can't." Nate said looking down at his shoes; this was going to be a lot harder than he had thought.

"Ok, we could have dinner tonight, or maybe see a movie. You know, whatever."

"I um, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Serena asked.

"I just think that maybe _we_ aren't a good idea, right now."

"I'm confused. On Saturday-"

"Saturday was a mistake, we got caught up in everything, the night, and all our emotions and stuff, but it _was_ a mistake."

"A mistake? Are you kidding me?"

"No, I don't want to be a jerk-"

"So don't be." Serena snapped as she crossed her arms, feeling like a total fool.

"I just… we're not good for each other."

"How can you say that? We were great for each other. We were happy."

"We weren't happy Serena, we were blissfully ignorant. We lived our whole lives in this little bubble where everything and everyone is beautiful and shiny, and I always thought that meant people were happy, but…are you happy? Because I'm not."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I changed while I was away. I see things differently now and looking back on our relationship, I'm not sure it was healthy. I think us being together is a bad idea."

"Well it would have been nice to know that before we slept together."

"Well, I mean you kind of threw yourself at me."

"So now it's my fault?"

"I didn't mean it like that." Nate said trying to placate her.

"Screw you, I know when I'm being blown off so don't lie to me. Just because you say something douchey in the midst of a bunch of self-searching, woe is me, bullshit doesn't mean you're not being a douche! So you can take your apology and shove it up your ass!"

"Look, I get you're upset, but I'm sorry."

"Whatever, you know you're right. You did change, because the old Nate would never pull something like this." Serena ran off, tears forming in her eyes as she bolted across the street, away from him.

"Serena!" Nate called after her, but she didn't stop. Nate had never felt like such a jerk.

* * *

Reviews please!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Revelations

Serena felt a whole new wave of sadness hit her as she looked at a picture of her and Nate she'd kept in her locker after all this time. She'd always thought they could work it out, the idea of them truly being over had never even crossed her mind and now she was devastated, and angry. Really, really angry. Serena crumpled up the photo in her hand and threw it on the floor before violently slamming her locker.

"Jesus, someone needs anger management." Blair said as she walked up to Serena. Blair picked up the crumpled piece of paper, smoothing it out so she could see what her friend was trying to destroy. "I'm guessing it didn't go well this morning."

"He told me it was a mistake and he regretted it and that we would never be a couple again." Serena said as she leant against her locker.

"I tried to tell you." Blair said.

"Wait, what? You knew he felt that way?" Serena asked in shock.

"He told me after it happened."

"And you didn't think you should tell me?"

"Well, its not the easiest news to break, plus you didn't really want to hear anything that would disrupt your little fantasy of happily ever after."

"At least if you had told me before, I wouldn't have been blind-sided. It was so awful, I feel like I've been punched in the heart."

"I'm sorry, S. Maybe its for the best, there's so much drama between you two. Now you can have a clean slate with someone new."

"I don't want someone new, I just want Nate. He just won't let the whole Carter thing go."

"Well you did cheat on him with one of his best friends."

"I know, I know. It still sucks though."

"Maybe you guys can go back to being friends." Blair suggested.

"I'm not sure that will work, when he told me we were for sure over I didn't take it very well."

"What did you do?"

"I may have called him a douche a couple times and told him to shove his apology up his ass…" Serena admitted.

"Serena!" Blair reprimanded.

"I know, but I'm used to getting my way. I'm not good with the whole "no" concept. Plus, he was being a total douche."

"Ok, look take your own advice. Give it some time, calm down and then start working on rebuilding your guys' friendship."

"I don't want to be his friend. I want to be his girlfriend. Why does my life suck so much?" Serena asked rhetorically.

"I'd guess poor choices." Blair stated. "So, now that we've had our talk I'm going to head to the Steps."

"Wait, no that wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about." Serena said feeling uneasy again.

"Oh…ok then what?" Blair asked.

"Umm…I can't talk about it here at school." Serena said biting her lip, she was completely dreading this conversation.

"We can't talk about it on the phone, we can't talk about it at school. I'm starting to worry, is it serious?"

"Yeah, well maybe. Its probably nothing, can we just hang out after school or something."

"I wish I could S, but I already made plans with Kati and Is after school and I'm having dinner with Eleanor."

"Ok, how about tomorrow?"

"I made plans with Chuck, I'm sorry. On Friday we'll have a girls' night, it'll be great. We can talk about everything that seems to be bothering you. Ok?"

"Yeah, sure." Serena conceded, not looking forward to another two days of having to keep her suspicions to herself.

Bair fidgeted at the table as Eleanor scrutinized her. They were only halfway through their entrees and they had already burned through Eleanor's go to topics. These included Blair's inability to wear clothes in her color range or that flattered her body type, and how if Blair spent as much time into her relationship with Chuck as she did planning "silly little parties", then she'd already have procured a proposal.

Now, Blair sat picking at her nearly raw cuticles as she was lectured on how competitive Ivy Leagues schools had gotten, and she'd needed to start becoming more involved in the community, and by community she meant Anne Vanderbilt's girl's charity.

"All I'm saying is if you had stuck it out with Nathaniel, instead of just giving up, this wouldn't even be an issue. The position would be yours."

"Mother, Nate and I broke up two years ago, why do we keep discussing it. I thought you liked Chuck?"

"I do, his father practically owns Manhattan, but he's still not a _Vanderbilt_." Eleanor said with a pursing of her lips. "I mean the way that ring sparkled on your finger, it was truly impeccable. I'm sure Charles can get you a gorgeous ring from Tiffanys, or Harry Winston, but it won't have the weight of a family heirloom."

"Mother, marriage is the last thing on my mind." Blair huffed as she stuufed another peace of chicken into her mouth.

"Well, then you're being foolish. You'll never be as beautiful or as thin as you are now, I don't want you to waste your potential."

"So my only potential is to marry well?"

"You say it like it's a bad thing. It's a compliment to your pedigree."

"I'm eighteen, I'm hardly turning into an old maid."

"You say that now, but then a couple years go by and that turns into a decade and then where will you be? Just look at me, there is plenty of time to build a career later on, but there's a very narrow window where a girl like you can find a husband with all our prerequisites."

"A girl like me?"

"Your youth is one of the main things you have going for you sweetheart, I just don't want you to waste it. When I married your father I was twenty years old, I hadn't even thought about starting Eleanor Designs, I was focused on finding a suitable husband that could provide for me."

"And we all see how well that worked out." Blair mumbled under her breath so Eleanor couldn't hear her.

"Just think about what I said. I'm going to get the check, you need to get to bed early tonight, I hired you a new personal trainer and he's coming over first thing tomorrow morning before you have to get ready for school."

"Great." Blair said through clenched teeth. "Excuse me, I have to use the restroom." Blair left her seat and made her way over to the empty ladies room. She turned the lock on the door so she could have some privacy. Blair stared at her self in the mirror and every flaw about herself became so obvious. Her mother would never say it out loud because of Blair's history, but Blair could tell. It was in the way her mother's eyes would examine her only to fill with disappointment, it was how she'd always ask for the check before Blair could even consider ordering dessert, it was how her mother never thought Blair's clothes hung right on her, and hired personal trainers to come at the crack of dawn. Blair would never be thin enough or pretty enough for her mother. Eleanor praised Serena, asked her to model her line constantly; Blair was always second best in her mother's eyes.

Blair took in a big breath, letting it drag out slowly before she turned on the faucet so the sound of running water filled the room, and went into one of the stall's. She knelt down before the porcelain bowl and pulled her hair up into a hasty bun. Opening her mouth as she expertly guided her fingers to the back of her throat.

"Don't you have to leave soon?" Chuck said as he and Blair laid on their sides facing each other on his king size bed.

"No." Blair whispered as she moved a little closer.

"Hmm…I thought when Eleanor was in town you had to sleep there, how long does she think dinner with me will last, it's already been four hours."

"I told her I was sleeping over at Serena's. Why do you ask? Do you want me to leave?" Blair said her voice creeping up to anger.

"Of course not." Chuck said as he wrapped his arm around her, pulling Blair into his chest. "I love when you stay here." Chuck put his head on top of hers inhaling the scent of her shampoo. "How long is she in town this time?"

"I think a week, maybe two. She has some meetings with Sax and Bendels and then she's off to Milan."

"What's with her schedule these days. She didn't used to travel constantly. Is the line really taking off this much?"

"No, I think she just doesn't like being home anymore. It's filled with two many memories…and me." Blair sighed.

"I'm sure that's not it." Chuck tried to comfort her, rubbing her back soothingly.

"It is, but that's fine. I'm not her biggest fan either. I think we work better on different continents."

"That doesn't sound like you."

"I just said it, what do you mean?"

"It's just, your family used to be the most important thing to you. You spent all of your time together, it was all you talked about to a borderline annoying degree."

"And then my family fell apart, so now its not important anymore." Blair bit as Chuck looked down at her, a frown forming deep creases in his brow.

"Are you ok, babe?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you happy?" He asked softly touching the curls that framed her face, in the moment of tenderness Blair softened.

"Of course I'm happy, I'm here with you." Blair said, leaning up to kiss him.

"What about when you're not here?"

"That's a weird question." Blair said shifting away from him.

"I just…I don't know. I worry sometimes, with everything that's happened."

"I'm fine." Blair echoed the tedious statement.

"You're always fine, but are you happy?"

"Are you?" Blair more barked then asked as she sat up so she could look down at him.

"We're not talking about me."

"This is so typical. You want to know every thought and feeling I have, but God forbid I know anything that goes on inside your head."

"That's not true." Chuck said as he sat up.

"Yes it is. You always want to know about Eleanor and Daddy, but you refuse to talk about your parents. I mean I can't even bring up Bart's name!"

"Things with my family are different then things with yours."

"Oh yeah. I come from a broken home and you live with…I don't even know how to describe them because I've only ever met them at Galas or charity events!"

"I don't want to fight about this!" Chuck yelled in frustration.

"You never want to fight, you never want to talk to me, not about anything real!"

"What are you talking about? I poured out my heart to you twice!" Chuck yelled as he got up off the bed and walked across the room.

"I know, and that was amazing because for once we were truly honest, but ever since then the walls have been back up. You still shut me out from you're life outside of school and friends."

"That is my life, Blair. Or haven't you noticed? I don't talk about my parents, because I don't talk to them! I've been staying in this suite for almost two months!

"Why are you living here?" Blair asked as she got up and walked over to him, only to have him back away from her.

"Why would I live _there_? Elizabeth is a self-medicated zombie and…" Chuck stopped, turning away from Blair.

"And Bart?" Blair prodded.

"He is who he is."

"So you just left?"

"Its not that big of a deal. They deposit money in my account and all I have to do is have dinner over there once a week. They interrogate me about school and Elizabeth slurs about whatever meaningless charity benefit she's throwing. Its not like I'm missing out on a lot by not living there anymore. He doesn't even care that I'm gone."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"You don't know him."

"And whose fault is that?" Blair questioned folding her arms.

"They're not people you want to know, Blair. I'm doing you a favor; I wish _I _didn't have to know them. They're just the people who pay my bills. You're my family."

"You're mine, too" Blair said wrapping her arms around him in comfort. "We don't need them, any of them." Blair whispered.

Serena felt sick to her stomach as she rode the private elevator up to Blair's apartment. She didn't want to have this conversation, but she had too. Even if it turned out Blair was fine, at least she could stop worrying herself sick. Serena prayed she was wrong, that she was just paranoid, but something deep down told her she wasn't; that the flawless face Blair showed the world was all just an act.

The doors opened and Serena stepped into the marble foyer, only to be surprised by the sound of giggles. Multiple ones.

"Serena, you're finally here." Blair greeted. Serena peaked around the corner only to see Kati, Isobel, Hazel and a few other girls sipping martinis and laughing.

"Ugh…Blair, what are they doing here?" Serena asked.

"Its girls night, like I said."

"I thought it was going to be just us."

"It was, but then I thought about how the girls had been a little frosty with you since you got back into my good graces. I think they're worried you'll take away some of their power. Tonight will be a good way to get everyone on the same page."

"That's great, I just sort of wanted to talk to you tonight. Privately."

"We can totally talk. They're busy enjoying their pre-club cocktails, tell me what's going on?"

"I can't, not with them here."

"Serena, just tell me. What is it?" Blair said looking up at her. Serena succumbed to her cowardice and swallowed her words, unable to confront Blair about this.

"Never mind."

"No tell me." Blair insisted.

"Really its nothing, just ugh…Nate stuff. Lets just enjoy girl's night." Serena said with a fake smile.

Nate inhaled deeply from the bong before letting the smoke settle in his lungs so he'd feel the full effect. After a few minutes he exhaled the tangy smoke and watched it rise into the air before disappearing. Chuck began to take his hit while Nate had yet another self-reflective moment.

"Dude, I've got to stop getting high and get my shit together." Nate sighed, rubbing his red eyes.

"Nathaniel, you're seventeen, you're not supposed to have your shit together." Chuck rasped, his lungs filled with smoke.

"I feel like all I ever do now is get high." Nate continued.

"That's all we've ever done."

"Doesn't that depress you? I feel like I've got all these opportunities, things other kids only dream of, and I'm wasting it on drugs and cheap thrills."

"You say that like it's a bad thing, and for your information, there is nothing cheap about this top-shelf Kush."

"Come on, be serious. Its like, what the fuck am I doing? You know?" Nate asked, hoping Chuck shared his complete lostness.

"No." Chuck answered flatly.

"I mean Blair might be an uptight control freak, but at least she knows what she's doing with her life. She's had a plan since kindergarten."

"But that's just Blair. She's a planner."

"I used to give her shit about it, but now… She has like no uncertainty in what she wants. I don't have a fucking clue what I want. I feel like I'm just drifting." Nate sulked to himself, leaning back further back into the couch.

"Ok, no more for pot for you, you've clearly had enough. You're monologuing again.

"This isn't a joke, Chuck. I'm being serious."

"I've noticed." Chuck said with a roll of his eyes, " You're always serious lately."

"Cause you always try to turn everything into a joke. Some things are serious. Stuff with Serena, serious. Stuff with my family, serious. Stuff with my future, serious. Stuff with you're life…crazy serious."

"Things are all good with Blair and me."

"I'm not talking about you and Blair, just you."

"What about me?" Chuck asked sitting up fully to stare down Nate.

"Umm, I don't know, how about the little bag of cocaine I found in your room that we haven't talked about since that night?"

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm handling it."

"What does that mean, 'handling it'?"

"It means I've got it under control, so you can drop it."

" Have you gone to any NA meetings again?"

"No."

"Then how are you handling it?" Nate pressed.

"I stopped ok. I haven't touched it since." Nate continued to eye Chuck as he saw right through the bullshit. "Ok, ok. I've used once" Nate's stare didn't waver, " twice, three times… Ok fine, eight. Eight times max. Are you happy now?"

"Goddamnit Chuck!" Nate yelled in frustration.

"Eight times in three weeks is nothing!"

"It's eight times more than there should have been!"

"I will admit I underestimated how hard it would be to stop, but I've been trying ok. Give me credit for that."

"Chuck you need help. Actual help."

"I'm not going to rehab again. That place was bullshit, and the orderlies all dealt. It was a fucking joke!"

"Well no one is laughing now. I'm not just talking about meetings, I think you need therapy or something."

"Fuck you!" Chuck bellowed as he stormed over to the bar to pour himself a glass of scotch. "I don't need therapy."

"Trust me dude, you out of all people need therapy. You have enough baggage to fill an eighteen wheeler."

"Fuck off, Mr. Metaphor. I said I was handling it, and I meant it."

"You're not handling it well, clearly."

"Well that's my business!" Chuck threw back the contents of the glass all at once.

"You're so full of it! If I was the one with a nasty coke habit you would have already conned me into a clinic."

"We are two very different people."

"Yes we are, I can see when I need help. I'm going to give you two days to get actual help, or I'll get it for you. Well me and Blair will." Nate threatened.

"Don't involve her in this." Chuck commanded.

"She's been involved since the very first line you did. Really handle this Chuck or I will."

"I'd like to make a toast." Kati announced as the second round of martinis arrived.

The girls began grabbing glasses eagerly, "Wait, shouldn't we wait for Serena?" Blair asked.

"She probably met some guy at the bar and took off." Kati's comment was met with Blair's icy glare. "Kidding." Kati smiled, yet continued with her toast regardless of the still missing blond. "To Blair, out fearless leader. Long live the Queen!" Kati cheered, the other girls raising their glasses in unison to honor their much-feared Queen Bee.

Blair gulped back half the martini before setting it down with the others. She grabbed a crab cake off the tray in front of her. She hadn't all day until tonight.

"OMG, Blair. That's like your eighth crab cake." Hazel thoughtlessly threw out.

"Shut up, no it isn't." Blair snapped defensively, putting the appetizer down. "Excuse me, too many martinis." Blair said awkwardly before rushing across the club to the bathroom.

Serena made her way through the over-crowded club until she finally made it to the booth. "Where's Blair?" Serena asked as she surveyed the group of tipsy teens.

"She scarfed down half a tray of crab cakes and booked it to the bathroom to pee." Hazel answered.

"She what?"

"I said-" Serena took off before Hazel could finish her repetition.

A girl in a skin-tight red dress stood outside of the women's bathroom door.

"What's going on?" Serena asked impatiently.

"I don't know. The door is like blocked or something. I've been waiting here for like three minutes." The girl said before banging louder on the door. "Forget this." She muttered to herself before walking off in a huff.

Serena began pushing on the door, throwing all her weight forward until it finally wedged open. Serena squeezed through the opening and entered the bathroom stepping over crumpled paper towels that had fallen out of the trashcan, which was now evident to be the former door obstruction.

All the faucets were running, but even over that and the blaring music Serena could still hear the heaves that echoed from the third stall.

Sorry about the super late update, I've been having some writer's block. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please let me know!


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